ATTENTION BALTIMORE CRIMINALS: Gov. Larry Hogan is sending in the National Guard at Request of Mayor Young

CRIMINALS: You’d better run!

BALTIMORE, MD.  —  Baltimore’s criminals may have to temporarily stow their stolen guns under doorsteps, backseats of stolen cars and under the cribs of their baby-mamas and pretend they are upstanding citizens so they can be interviewed when the morons of the media arrive to ask their reaction to this invasion of soldiers.


The National Guard troops are arriving to assist with the delivery of humanitarian supplies to the citizens who have trouble obtaining food and medicine as the State of Maryland shut down bars, malls, and restaurants, restricted public transportation and closed schools.

Dedicated and experienced criminals with the background and resumes that are the envy of mobsters and practitioners of nefarious activities everywhere may find new opportunities to steal generators off of National Guard trucks and Jeeps as soldiers carry meals into community centers and schools destined for children and senior citizens.

Mayor Bernard C. “Jack” Young issued the following statement regarding the arrival of the Maryland National Guard in Baltimore:

Mayor welcomes help with Wuhan Virus

“My administration requested that the Guard deploy in Baltimore to provide humanitarian assistance in partnership with our city agencies as we work to slow the spread of COVID-19,” Mayor Young said. “The Guard’s deployment helps provide resources we need to support the work being done to keep Baltimore healthy.”

Maryland State Police arriving in Baltimore City for riots in 2015.

The National Guard will be stationed to help support meal distribution at school sites throughout Baltimore, feeding children through the program begun earlier this week and led by staff from the Mayor’s Office of Children and Family Success, the Department of Planning, and the Department of Recreation and Parks. The guard will also provide aid in planning and logistical support for the city’s hospitals and medical teams.

“I am confident that the deployment of the National Guard will help ensure Baltimore City has everything it needs to fully address COVID-19. I would like to thank Governor Hogan for working closely with the City of Baltimore and other counties throughout the State,” Mayor Young said.

The criminals who fail to rip off the National Guard of supplies to sell in public housing projects, parking lots or back alleys can simply stand in line – or assign their mamas to stand in line – and walk away with plenty of food.

Shootings, drug dealing, and revenge gang killings may have to undergo a period abatement which will extend until the National Guard loads up what is left of their materials into trucks following a period of massive grand theft, and roll out of the City of Baltimore at some time in the future.  At that time, criminals are expected to reassert their control over daily life in the City of Demons.

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