CHEAP SHOTS: YE OLDE SAINT MARIES JAIL AND SEXUAL THERAPY SPA

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YE OLDE SAINT MARIES JAIL AND SEXUAL THERAPY SPA

When Cheap Shots last visited the Saint Maries Jail and Sexual Therapy Spa, the wonderful and kind association of various jailors having sex with inmates revealed insights into the benevolent administration of Sheriff for Life Sir Timothy of Cameron. The news of jailors who provided much-needed tenderness to inmates who could not arrange conjugal relations as they were incarcerated in the Tower of the Walled City was received by the inhabitants of Saint Maries with wild abandon. Many of those who had been incarcerated there in prior years lamented that they had not been treated so humanely and with such comfort.

Now, a new episode in Spa Care at the Saint Maries Jail has been recorded in the annals of local lore. The much-neglected staff of the facility, those who operate the Rack and other stretching devices deigned to be appropriate by the High Sheriff Cameron for exacting the truth out of subordinate staff, have been hard at work resulting in various punishments being doled out, including non-fatal terminations and demotions once the offenders finally squealed to the joy of Majorly UnAmerican the Michael.

The Rack, unfortunately, cannot be used for inmates as all available times are currently booked for the purpose of workforce enforcement of the keeping of secrets of the High Sheriff.

The most recent instance of violations of the code of secrecy involved the disclosure of workplace frolicking with elevated levels of exchange of hormones and body fluids commonly associated with practice of recreational re-creation exercises. As the High Sheriff’s Commanders are contemplating the acquisition of air machines to conduct surveillance over the Manor of Lexington due to increased hostile activities among the armed indigenous natives who have been aiming projectiles towards superior forces and Constables.  Apprentices of the Jailors who perform various exercise services, leeching of blood, application of compresses and other medical improvements, have been participating in unauthorized exercises of the basic tenants of aerodynamics – basic lift and thrust into other participating staff, resulting in unauthorized joy and orgasmic explosions. To the Horror of Sir Timothy, some of these activities have taken place whilst apprentices were imbibing too much of medicinal tonics and wine.

News of the sudden departure of pleasure instrument recipients has created new vacancies for these positions while two of the Superior Posited Officers of the Realm found themselves with insignias of rank stripped from their suits of armor.

Sir Knight Timothy of the House of Cameron has promised to abdicate his throne in the Sheriffdom for many changes of the Full Moon without fulfilling what is a dream to his disillusioned followers and other serfs.  Fatuous Edward of Willing-to-Berg, Lord Hall of Misfire, and the banished Knight Dandy of Alioto Landingham are all concerned that there will be a new reign ruled by an Emperor from a foreign land such as a Conqueror from the Manor of Pikesville.

The Rack is continually greased for ease of operations by minor serfs at the command of Majorly UnAmerican the Michael who orders routine stretching of staff in order to assure the continued effective operation of the fine devise and enforcement of Dictates of Non-Election Transcribing left by the departed Horney of St. John. The Female Comfort Staff continues to find elevation to higher placement in the Kingdom to be elusive as does the Darkness Pigments of Tanned Knights and Ladies.  Sir Knight Timothy recently graduated another class of serfs following their completion of orientation and indoctrination on being fitting and subservient citizens.

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