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Just when someone gets their name around, they take it back. Like the old Godfather movie line, just when I thought I was getting out, they pull me back in…So Joe St. Clair thinks he has a cake walk for a seat on the school board, and Bill Mattingly somehow thinks that he can be a county commissioner. Its good that Bill wants to run as he has already plead the Fifth in court when it came to a federal case against the refuse company he used to run. So when he was sworn to tell the truth, he said he didn’t want to incriminate himself. That makes him an excellent candidate for county commissioner, at least we would know in advance he won’t tell the truth about illegal conduct, which is somehow refreshing over what we have now with the Hayden Farm, the Beavan tract and St. George’s Peninsula. How dumb are the voters of St. Mary’s County? Jackie Russell thinks you are plenty dumb and Kenny Dement, well, he is simply confused. Both need to join the list of former commissioners. So who is going to run? Patty Robrecht was anticipated all over and held in high regard, but she has chickened out. Perhaps a wise choice. Mike Hewitt is ready to return to the Republican Party from whence he came and make another run for Commissioner President. Dr. Sal Raspa is being encouraged to run for Commissioner President and if he does, watch Jackie jump off his boat and take the anchor with him. Former Leonardtown Commissioner Dan Muchow is ready to throw his hat in the ring and he ought to make a strong Democratic contender for the Leonardtown – Hollywood commissioner district. Leonardtown Mayor Chip Norris may also run. Republican Rich Johnson is seriously considering running for the commissioner district which encompasses Valley Lee, Ridge and Callaway. Johnson is sharp and articulate and will make a formidable candidate. Dement only beat Tim Wood by 300 votes in the GOP primary and that was before he helped load up big tax hikes last year and this year on property owners in four election districts. Dement promised to be conservative and to listen to folks but he can’t name anyone who asked to have their taxes raised. Russell is a lot like Mattingly. They preach the enviro-liberal gibberish and then hand over everything to the developers. Raley is difficult to understand but that could be because his head revolves faster than a merry-go-round. Raley is sincere, just not consistent. Todd Morgan’s name has been proposed by former Commissioner Francie Eagan and she thinks he would be a good commissioner. Friends of Linda Palchinsky are urging her to run for commissioner from the Lexington Park, Great Mills, and California district currently represented by Raley. Linda is popular and dedicated. The Enterprise’s attempt to beat her up this past week was pathetic given the history of that newspaper, under a previous owner, owing tremendous amounts of withholding taxes and having to go to the Steuart Oil Company and to Lexington Park developer Harry Waller to borrow money to keep from being closed down by the government. Its interesting that just when it gets talked about that Linda should run that the Enterprise tries to paint her in a bad light, everyone owes taxes and she is paying hers and working hard to pay it all off. But Mary Washington will be the favorite candidate of the liberal Emptyprize and they are already going to work with dirty tricks. Who else has the Emptyprize, a rag owned by the Washington Post, which itself may go out of business in this deep depression, who else have they attacked for being broke? There are lots of small businesses folding and this week saw the biggest real estate collapse in American history when a major mall operator filed for bankruptcy. The answer to this is that the Enterprise has never opposed your taxes being raised and never has opposed wasteful spending on the part of St. Mary’s County. Those worn out ultra-liberal hacks ain’t on your side and Hambone Gazette is just the Good Old Boy s— sheet. Remember the old Countian which folded up nearly 20 years ago? That is what the Hambone Gazette is, just another puff piece to make the developers look good and to be able to continue to do business and put off the real costs associated with growth on the residential property owner. These fat cats really laugh their butts off at what Krazy Kenny and the Taxocrats deliver to them.

The Democrats can’t add or get history right

The St. Mary’s Democratic Club has sent out really nice invitations to honor folks that are this year’s celebrated Democrats. It used to be that just one such Democrat was honored and now the club has come up with six or seven folks. It could be that they just wanted to honor a bunch of old Democrats before they either died or changed to Republican, in either case, that might be why they had a fire sale for honoring Democrats. The Democratic Party, with it’s chief honcho who bows and scrapes for Raghead Kings, is really in trouble, just think the first year of the Clinton Administration.

 Now this guy Obama is like the dog who caught the fire truck and doesn’t have a clue as to what to do with it once he caught it. But America is tough enough. But take note that 85 American soldiers have died in Afghanistan and Iraq since THAT ONE was sworn into office. But you wouldn’t know it from the way the media, at least what is left of it that hasn’t gone belly up, covers, or covers up, for the White House. Now that silly George Bush held hands with the King of Saudi Arabia, which was a pretty dorky thing to do and now we have the horrible sight of the new president bending all the way over to waist level and then his White House folks try to tell you not to believe your lying eyes. What a President does when he bows to a King is to show all America his ass. This American president has just asked for another $83 billion for the wars and if anyone knows what the purpose of the mission is, please write it down. But the liberal Democrats are all full of grape Kool Aid.

As for the Democratic Club, their invitation states that this is the 375th anniversary of our Democratic Party. Wrong, its the 375th anniversary of Maryland. Thomas Jefferson was considered the father of the Democratic Party and that would peg it to around 1800. So that would make it about 209 years.

The Race for St. Mary’s States Attorney

Richard Fritz, like the late Joe Weiner, practices a tainted version of the political use of the prosecutorial powers of the office of States Attorney. Just as Weiner was thrown out of the office of Circuit Court Judge, to which he had been appointed by Gov. Marvin Mandel, Fritz was fortunately kept from the bench by the wise voters of the county in 2004.

Now that Fritz has a strong contender to face for the first time, both of his previous contested elections were with weak candidates, Fritz is resorting to the time-honored traditions of shabby politics and is trying to indict his opponent.

Weiner did it to one of his political opponents and now Fritz is trying, but he just can’t seem to get the Grand Jury to go along with him, perhaps some wise souls on the panel can see Fritz’s actions for what they are, sleazy and corrupt.

John Mattingly just won a brilliant victory at the Supreme Court which now allows him to press on with his client’s case. Mattingly took up the cause of a widow suffering from cancer against a big credit card outfit trying to take her house and cheating at all the rules. This isn’t the first time that John Mattingly has been on the side of the little guy.

For Fritz and his cadre of erstwhile prosecutors, they have some explaining to do. It is a curious affair when drug dealers and drunk drivers simply have to make a donation to a pet project of the prosecutor in order to get off their criminal charges. This is nothing more than payoffs and using a noble charity in the process. But the stench of corruption prevails and those who can afford one of the Leonardtown barristers and a big fat donation to a special charity and they get off. What is worse is that the lawyers who wheel and deal for their clients also get to make donations to the special fund.

Some of those who are able to pay off the prosecutor then are able to go back out and drive drunk again or participate in drug trafficking.

Should Fritz actually be able, on his sixth attempt, to persuade the Grand Jury that John Mattingly is a ham sandwich, then charges may be placed but the public will be able to see them for what they are: a political vendetta played out by little boys who mis-use the law.

John Mattingly’s vow to bring back proper discretion on the part of the prosecutor instead of allowing the office to be a low-end version of Lets Make a Deal is only part of the problem for Fritz and his law-lackeys. The rest of the story is that this crew really doesn’t work very hard, they just got raises again last year and with a new states attorney many of them will be out on their cans looking for a job in a really bad job market. Of course John Weiner will be glad to have his brother Teddy back working in his office once again.

The recent case of the man who dropped dead while he was being robbed by an illegal alien showed the ineptness of the States Attorney’s Office. Fritz should have been able to win the case and did not. Perhaps he was more worried about Spring Gobbler Season.

For the Fritz camp to attempt to use John Mattingly’s very forthright decision to avail himself of alcohol counseling is really a sham. Fritz’s years of boozing were followed by many years of wise abstention, a credit to him and a relief to his family. For his supporters to try to sully John Mattingly for properly attending to his health is not only phony, but very revealing as to their lack of candor and character.

This race for States Attorney can and should be about how best to provide law enforcement for the benefit of the public and to the detriment of the criminals.

The public needs to understand that the courthouse crowd does not like John Mattingly, they do not want him elected. Voters will show that they know that their best interests are not often the same as what’s best for the courthouse crowd.

How can we get so lucky?

Old Hambone Tommy McKay will be running for commissioner as he believes he is a grade higher than Jackie Russell. Wow. Who would have thunk it that we could dust off all the old cartoons and have more fun with Hambone. It would only be better if Babs ran on a ticket with him and picked up Little Lulu as their running mate.

Fritz is worried about John Mattingly and he is going to let loose his dogs real soon, digging deep into his bag of dirty tricks, so says The Shadow, who knows for sure.

Kenny Dement just won’t listen to anyone but Dan Raley and he is determined to vote to raise taxes again. He will be lucky if he isn’t stoned as people are really mad as hell over their taxes going up while the property heads into the bottomless pit of low prices. Sooner or late St. Mary’s County is going to have to swear off of electing idiots like Tommy Mattingly, Jackie Russell and Dement. As for Dan, he truly is a good fellow but he was joined at the neck with a chump who takes control of the brain, the tongue and sets both heads swiveling and spinning like a top. Poor Dan, he was raised with common sense and lost it all when he sold his store.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who is the Brightest Commissioner of them All?

The following is an transcript of a back room meeting of the St. Mary’s Commissioners and is illegal to read this material. Continue at your own risk, you have been warned.

“The Hambone Gazette wants to do a cover article about who is the brightest commissioner on the board, you know, the leader of the board, the smartest and the most insightful,” said Dandy Dan Raley as both of his heads nodded in agreement.

“Why that has to be me, as I have a college degree,” said Jack Russell (no terrier). “I have a smart wife and every week as I am putting good crabs on the dead ones in the bushel, you know, putting the good ones at the top so those dummies who buy them from me won’t know they will only get a half a bushel of good ones, she always tells me how smart and how handsome I am. Doesn’t that prove I am the brightest commissioner of them all?”

“Considering that the Rag has this place bugged, and we all know it, it sure wasn’t too bright of you to run your mouth like that,” said Raley.

“Don’t hand that high and mighty crap to me, Dan,” said Jackie. “You sure don’t mind staying in on the vote when your relative is the lawyer or his law partners are the lawyers and its all a big conflict. That don’t seem too smart.”

“Well, clearly, I am the one who goes to Annapolis all the time,” said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. “I know the best places to watch women pole dance. I learned how to be smart by hanging around all those liberals from Montgomery County and from going to cocktail parties with the lobbyists and those good looking honeys that hang around all those fancy bars in Annapolis, yeah buddy, I am going to run against Johnny Wood so I can stay in Annapolis for three months running…its all I can do sometimes to bring myself on down the road after one of those invigororating and stimulating conferences.”

“Stimulating,” yelled Kenny. “That’s me, I am stimulating and I want Obama to stimulate my wallet, he can call it Aid to Homeowners, I am a Homeowner and I want some aid, and I want it all in unmarked small bills. I am going to run as a Democrat again, that black woman with the big mouth can be my campaign chairman, I will think of every good thing every black ever told me and write it all down as my campaign platform and I will raise every tax I can, even raise them twice so I can get the black vote.”

“But Kenny,” said Commissioner Moonbeam Jarboe, “even black voters don’t want their taxes raised, whatever gave you that idea?”

“Its written right here on stuff that McKay gave me to say and I found it in my sport coat pocket next to a ham sandwich. That sandwich was old but I just figured it was Old Ham, which of course is salt cured and will last about 10 years.”

“Well I obviously am the brightest bulb in the box,” said Russell. “I fooled all those enviro-whackos into voting for me and I fooled all the developers into giving me money in the campaign, I just followed Joe Anderson’s gamebook and it worked real good. The fat cats are always looking to grease the skids and the enviro-whackos are always looking to get something special and its up to me to make both sides happy.”

“Well I make the Chamber of Commerce happy,” said Dandy Dan. “They think I know what I am doing and I told them I am going to raise taxes again so we have more money to spend. I looked them in the eye when I said it and I wringed my hands about 25 times and they got the message. That ought to make me the prize winner.”

“Well, boys, I am leaving now, I can see where this is going, I think you all are the smartest commissioner of them all,” said Larry.

“Don’t let the door hit you in the ….,” said Kenny.

“Well, I know I am the smartest,” said Taxing Tommy. “I am going to the White House and see if they will let me the place, I know that with my experience and my smartness, I can be a high administration official and work somewhere knocking down one of those high-falutin’ salaries. And they got good strip clubs in DC.”

“Lets spread some of that money around, when do we start,” said Kenny. ” I voted for that damn Hayden Farm and I want my money, I have been getting beaten up real good and you can go to the reader poll at ST. MARY’S TODAY and you can see that 91 percent of the people want to get rid of me and Russell, that is amazing, all I did was raise taxes, those Library people like me a lot, I have never had smart people want to hang around me and be my friend, they even invite me to some of their parties but I don’t understand why they serve chicken liver and don’t have no crust on the sandwiches, but I fill up my pockets all the same, although the chicken liver gets a little messy. But those liberals aren’t too bad and I have to have somebody be my friends because the damn conservatives give me hell every where I go cause I raised taxes and voted for the Hayden Farm. Sometimes those people get on my nerves and I just stuff sandwiches in my pocket and leave wherever I am.”

“So who is the brightest of them all,” asked Raley.

“The mirror just broke,” said Russell, “I guess that means two things, none of us is bright and we are in for some bad luck.”

Leftover Oyster Sandwiches

The following is secretly recorded transcript of the back room meeting of the St. Mary’s Board, which was taped illegally and is illegal to read. Proceed at your own risk.

“Okay boys, I can see you were playing hardball with me last week for something I really wanted, to give away PUD status to St. Mary’s Crossing developers, whoever they might be, I really don’t know them,” said Taxing Tommy Mattingly.

“Oh sure, you don’t know, your campaign donation list had their names all over it, and you probably had a lot more you didn’t report,” sneered Jack Russell (No Terrier).

“We know you know them very well, we know we all know them very well and I hazard a guess that more than one person here was a guest on their sport fishing trip off of Ocean City at the MaCo convention, been with that developer to trips to ski resorts and to that resort town of Vegas on a private plane. Who are you kidding,” said Dandy Dan Raley.

“Don’t start being holier than thou with me, either one of your heads Danny boy,” said Taxing Tommy. “You are just sore because you didn’t get as much out of them as I did, that’s your fault if you didn’t shake and bake when you had a chance. But don’t worry, there will be many more projects to approve and these guys can just get in line to get their names on our dance cards (Wink, Blink, Nod)”.

“I shaked, I baked and I still don’t have any wampum,” said Kenny. “I came into this job poor and you guys have hogged all the money and all I have gotten so far has been all I can eat at the school cafeterias and all the free meals I can carry out from fire department installations. This is getting frustrating, I want to learn and earn and how to make them pay to play like that great governor out there in Chicago, which I really didn’t know was a state.”

“Kenny, Chicago isn’t a state, it’s a big city in the state of Illinois and that guy ain’t governor any more,” said Electric Larry. “I can see where this conversation is going and I am taking off before some body gets a tape of you all. I haven’t been a part of your schemes and I’m not going to get dragged in to your troubles.”

“Just a darn minute,” said one of the Dan Raleys. “We are a board and deals that one of us makes is good for all, all for one. You’ll get a split Larry, we promise.”

“I split all I want when I run the splitter at the mill, then I shred, shave and crumble before it goes in the hopper,” said Larry. “When I come to Leonardtown it is to make policy for the county government and I can tell you I haven’t had much good company here over the years. Francie was great but she’s gone, Chris was young and dumb and he’s gone, but he was good for having some good votes from time to time, at least when it counted. And when it came to Crazy Paul, Babs, Hambone and you guys, I can tell you right now that for the most part you all are out of your ever-loving minds and give county folks a bad name with the way you appear to either be crooked or dumb.”

“But our family and friends like us just the way we are,” said Kenny. “We can’t change if we want to, this is just like the Mafia, once you are in, you stay in, if you try to get out, they pull you back in. Now I have an oyster sandwich in my pocket from last Saturday, do you think its still good to eat or should I give it to a homeless dog on my way home…or I could always give it to…nah…I’ll just eat it.”

Decisions

“How long do we have to wait for the gratuity, is that what you call it, a tip or something,” asked Kenny. “I have bills to pay and if I don’t get reelected, I am really going to need that tip.”

“Quiet Kenny,” said Jackie. “We can’t even dream about that deal or we can be sent up the river if the State Prosecutor finds out about it, we can’t take money, cash, tips or anything like those commissioners in the past did all the time, boy those were the days!”

“Well I have always believed that you can count a chicken that you can carry, its cash and carry, chicken and carry and carryouts for commissioners, get the idea, buckaroo?” said Kenny. “I am an old man and I can’t wait forever, this was a lousy deal you guys set up, I have been taking all kinds of flack over this and now I have to go to bed with visions of deals vanishing in thin air.”

“Kenny, these aren’t the old days, there are too many ways to watch you,” said Jackie.

“That’s my point exactly, look what happened with that finance broad, she insists on keeping records and all that, how is anyone supposed to slip away a little tip here and there if some dang dingbat is writing it all down!” said Kenny.

“Can we at least get a freezer full of fresh pork or a side of beef, I don’t want any more of that shine, its too strong for me,” said Kenny.

“This is all about good government,” said Dandy Dan. “Nobody here is going to profit from any decisions of the board, that would constitute bribery and we have simply decided to expand the size of government, raise taxes with wild abandon and walk away from any attempt to reduce the size and cost of government.”

“I am tired of listening to the public,” said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. “We have many more amenities we need to build, there has been a public outcry for skating rinks

The Public Be Damned

“Okay,” said Jackie, “all those in favor of buying the old Hayden property, say yes”.

“But we haven’t had a public hearing,” said Larry.

“The Public Be Damned,” said Dandy Dan Raley. “We have heard all we need to from the damn public, heck, I even hear it from my mother after she reads the damn Rag, she just raises hell with me, wants to know if I ever learned one solitary thing from her, she never raised me to blow money like this, and especially when it’s other people’s money, hell the only one that thinks I am doing any good is that goofy brother-in-law of mine, who loved to spend money when it was the public money and could only get elected one time. I have shown them all, I have staying power, I can be the greatest commissioner in history and then I am going to take on Roy Dyson. I will show that silly Hambone a thing or two on how to win an election. I hear Obama is going to make Dyson an assistant secretary of agriculture and that will open up that senate seat for me.”

“Dan,” said Larry. “Did you have too much eggnog? Dyson isn’t going to DC, he has this senator job down real good and people like him but why am I wasting my time trying to talk any sense into you, go ahead and run for anything you please, maybe you can be President of St Mary’s College after Maggie blows town. You have two heads, you might as well get two jobs.”

“I just want everyone to know I need their votes,” said Kenny Dement. “I listen to people real good.”

Road Trip to Chicago

The following is a transcript of the St. Mary’s Commissioners Meeting in their back room and since this was secretly taped, it is against the law for anyone to read this. You have been warned, read at your own risk.

“Okay, when does this meeting start?” asked Commissioner Moonbeam Jarboe.

“We ain’t having no meeting,” said Kenny. “We four are hopping on the evening train for Chicago and going to get in on that politics that they have out there where the real money is.”

“But you all have been making good money making sure the right people get appointed to the planning commission and the sewer board, putting roads in the right place and buying land from certain people,” said Larry. “Why do you have to go to Chicago?”

“Hells bells, Tommy and I can’t run again here, so we are going to serve out our terms working for Gov. Blabbermouth, we called him today and he said, hey, hop on a train and come on out, I need some new friends, so we are packed and ready to go and it’s a good way to get the hell away from that Rag,” said Dandy Dan Raley.

“We can run for Alderman,” said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. “We can establish residency by joining up with ACORN and becoming errand boys for the Governor. We know how to get people to pay to play, we have been doing it for a long time and we are good at it, but the real money is out there, I can’t believe how cheap we have been letting things go for.”

“Does that Jesse Jackson guy still run around out there,” said Kenny. “I don’t want to have anything to do with him, he is right uppity.”

“Its high time to get things right,” said Jackie. “I am going to have my crew sail the Dee up the Atlantic and through the St. Lawrence Seaway and right down to Chicago to the Navy Pier and I can tie up there and keep my foundation scam going full tilt. This is going to be a real party, Wheeeehooo!”

“We are going to the land of milk and honey, they get a million bucks for making an appointment, hell we’ve been getting maybe thousand and a turkey, once we got a horse and buggy and another time we got a truck but I am tired of putting on a clean suit and going to Leonardtown to sit there for all those boring meetings just to make a few extra thousand on the side,” said Dan, “not that I would actually take anything like that (wink, nod, wink).”

“I understand that they have good strip bars in the nightclubs out there,” said Tommy. “I am getting tired of going to the same strip club in Annapolis all the time, its time for a change.”

“Hey, do we get to cuss like Governor Blabbermouth does?” asked Kenny. “I don’t know if I could say all those bad words, I really don’t want to F this and F that all day, can we use other terms like “Strike One?”

“We need to have some real good digs to live in if we are going to be the chief henchmen for the Governor,” said Tommy. “I don’t want to live in a firehouse.”

“And I don’t want to live in a stable with Mrs. O’Leary’s cow,” said Kenny.

“Well guys, it sounds like you are serious about moving to Chicago, who will serve on the commissioners board with me,” said Larry.

“Get Clare to be a commissioner,” said Tommy. “She always said she wanted to be in charge, let her do it and she’s too silly to take bribes, not that I ever took any (wink, nod wink).”

“I hear the whistle blowing, its coming round the bend,” said Kenny. “Get your tickets ready boy, we are going to join the big time and blow these small town blues.”

“I am going to miss you fellows a whole lot,” pined Larry.

Hambone Gazette’s Scoop on Dan Raley


Oh boy, was that a racy headline on the front page of the Hambone Gazette about Commissioner Dan Raley. There is no one around who wouldn’t feel sorry for anyone running a small store, including Donnie Tennyson. For Donnie to feel bitter about his purchase of the Raley’s Market is one thing, for the Hambone to use his Hambone Gazette to publicize the civil dispute between Tennyson and the Raleys is quite another. Many new folks in the county don’t know that the rather boring and regurgitated version of the Emptyprize, known as the County Times, is owned by Hambone and his Daddy, who also own McKay’s, a family run five-store chain, remarkably bigger than Raley’s Market which was operated by the Raley family prior to being sold to Tennyson.

Tennyson’s buyers remorse is understandable but it is quite another thing to accuse someone of cooking the books on their business as the Times (Hambone Gazette) article does. The civil dispute between the south county families over the market will work itself out in time. But while Raley deserves severe criticism for his many foibles as a county commissioner, raising taxes, blowing money on new parks which aren’t needed and much, much more, to accuse him of fraud is something that bears much scrutiny.

Hambone’s mouthpiece never mentioned in their article that they are writing about another grocery store when the parent company of their snooze paper is owned by the family that profits from a grocery store going out of business in Ridge. They should have done so. They never mentioned in their article that the owner of the paper sat as a commissioner for four years and that Raley make a monkey out of Hambone McKay all during that time and they should have done so. They never mentioned that the owner and editor of their snoozepaper fictitiously awarded himself a college degree in business administration which turned out to be a false claim and they should have done so, as he apparently awarded himself a degree in journalism, which this Rag’s very existence for the last 20 years proves is not necessary, therefore the Hambone Gazette can get along without it too. But Hambone is a proven liar and that should have been in their article.

But new folks to the area need to know that the fish wrapper they are reading about the scandal and affairs of their elected officials is giving full disclosure (not Hambone’s affairs of course as there isn’t enough news print for that effort) and when a public official is properly slimed it should be richly deserved.

There is no doubt that Dan Raley is a tax-hiking moron of the first degree and were he running for office again we would encourage not only his immediate defeat but perhaps keelhauling and beheading as well. But he isn’t a crook, he’s too dumb to commit fraud, and it’s wrong to say he cooked the books on his store. Dan Raley tries his level best to make good decisions after consultation with the best minds around and some times only listens to the dumbest. But he really is a good guy, always has been, he just wrings his hands too much and imitates his relative J. Frank. Slime Dan Raley? Nope. It’s wrong. Beat him up for raising taxes and blowing money? Sure. Its fair play.
The Raley family worked long and hard at running a fine grocery store in St. Mary’s County, supported the community in countless ways and earned the respect and trust of many, just like the McKay family has done. The McKay family continues to run and operate great stores which their customers like just fine. But there is a bad seed in the family and each week he gets a new chance to prove it which causes his family much heartache. This column can only wish that he once again becomes a candidate for public office and provides new fodder for our mill. Did you hear that Hambone’s pals think he can easily beat Roy Dyson for the State Senate? Just ask them.

Does Hambone have the secret mission of trying to kill the deal for a new buyer for Raley’s store just in order to eliminate a grocery competitor? Did McKay’s failed attempt to buy out Raleys play into the decision to slime Raley? Was it politics? Did Hambone suddenly want to do a news article for which he could award himself the Pulitzer Prize? Only The Shadow knows for sure!

The Good Old Boys and Commuter Rail

“Okay, Tommy, now its important that we get this right,” said Dandy Dan Raley from one of his heads.

“Right, I have been practicing all the way to Leonardtown,” said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. “I know darn well why we are opposed to commuter rail coming to this region, first if they get it to Waldorf, they’ll want to bring it down to Lexington Park and then there goes the neighborhood, we’ll get more of them African folks moving here, and we already have enough of them, we get more and they’ll want to join the Chamber of Commerce and play golf at the public golf course, then you know they’ll be right inside the new county country club and our folks won’t like a bunch of uppity negroes hanging around Wicomico.”

“We have enough problems with that pushy Nolan broad, she wants that old damn building at Hermanville, well I won’t let her have it while I am commissioner,” said Dan. “She can wait and it will just fall down, we did pretty good in letting that nerdy Schaller get out front on this issue, those professor types are just as dumb as a door when it comes to figuring us out, we can play him like a piano.”

“Yep, he was talking all the right talk, it’s a good point, how can the Black USO pay for itself, that Nolan woman was too stupid to ask how does the Softball Hall of Fame pay for itself or Piney Point Lighthouse where we have dumped in millions,” said Tommy. “We just don’t need more places for uppity Negroes to be hanging out and causing problems, if they don’t like it they can move to DC.”

“Well lets get our stuff right and then get that nerdy Schaller to be the mouthpiece again, when this stuff comes out of his mouth, he is so slick that people actually believe it but when you pop off like you did last week about the interchange at Rt. 4 and Rt. 235 keeping commuter rail from ever coming down the road, you really sounded like an idiot,” said Dan.

“Hell it was your idea for me to say that since I am the one that’s always going to meetings in Annapolis,” said Tommy. “People think I have learned a lot since I travel back and forth, but I don’t actually go to meetings up there, I found this great titty bar in Parole and heck I just park there and spend the day, its great.”

“Look, this is the deal,” said Dan. “Just say that we can’t have brothers from DC getting on a train, going out to Bowie at 5 am, getting on the first train from Bowie to St. Mary’s and then going into homes in Wildewood and stealing plasma TVs and then carrying it back out to the station and waiting all day to get on the train back to Bowie, transfer to DC and then make it home while all the cops are looking at vehicles on the highway. With all our dumb cops they will never figure it out due to the high amount of sugar in their systems due to all the donuts.”

“You sure I won’t look like an idiot again,” asked Tommy.

“Nope, you’ll have a ‘Raley’ fine day,” said Dan.

Clown Time In Leonardtown

The following is a secret tape recording of the back room deals of the St. Mary’s Commissioners. It is illegal to read this transcript, proceed at your own risk:

“Why do we have to worry about that damn highway,” said Kenny Dement. “We just approve the 835 new homes on the road and its done, we all go away with what we want.”

“But Kenny,” said Jackie, “there are 836 homes in that proposed PUD.”

“I know it, but I want one of them and I thought you would get one too,” said Kenny, “isn’t that why we are big pals with these developers?”

“Holy Moses, Kenny, you aren’t supposed to talk like that in here, you are supposed to wink, blink or nod,” said Jackie. “Its right here in the special handbook that they passed out to us as new commissioners when were first sworn in.”

“I can’t figure out why you bother with book learning, Russell, what has it ever gotten you, you still have that dumb boat, you are losing money on it and its taking on water and you can’t sell it,” said Kenny.

“I thought you were going to set up your own softball foundation and make a mint like I have done,” said Jackie.

“I found out that the county couldn’t give me the Softball Hall of Fame, I was willing to hook a truck to it and haul it out but it has something to do with Open Space Funds,” said Kenny. “Look, Raley, you and Russell may not care about running for office again, you both have good hustles going but I need this job and I went to the county fair this weekend and everywhere I went people chewed me out for their property taxes going up, they yell and scream and tell me that their taxes went up $500, $1,000 and more and they are holding it against me, but I was just one of four votes in favor of raising taxes, and you all said no one would notice. You really stuck it to me and this week you sit in our commissioner meeting and talk about what a great idea it was, can you just for once keep your big mouths shut, you even said we are going to raise taxes again next spring and I’m telling you if I vote to raise taxes again people are going to lynch me.”

“Don’t you think you are just overreacting a little bit,” said Raley. “You were telling everyone you are a Democrat at heart and when the Republicans get you in a corner, your legs buckle and you go weak on us, we Democrats have to raise taxes, its just how we are made.”

“Don’t give me that, Dyson has been in office for a hundred years and he has never voted for a tax hike, he says that taxes have a way of going up without anyone voting to make them go up,” said Kenny.

“Lookee here, said Russell, just everyone vote for slots, then vote to make prostitution legal, and then vote to overthrow prohibition and bring back legal booze so we can tax it and put those moonshiners out of business in the backwoods down in Drayden. Those boys have no right to make so much money without paying any taxes.”

“How did we get off on this stuff,” said Dement, “I gotta get out of here and go meet some developers who want to tell me some stuff, but I want to duck the Republicans, they want me to sit in a dunking booth to raise money for the party, that ain’t very funny, they should treat a commissioner with respect.”

“No Kenny, they just know that if they got you in that dunking booth, the mad taxpayers would spend their last dollar trying to dunk you,” said Raley. “The GOP would make some big bucks off of you!”

Paybacks are Hell

“Well, Kenny, you probably should have voted with Larry on the constant yield,” said Dandy Dan Raley. “If you had voted with Larry and I KNEW you were going to vote with him, I probably would have voted with you.”

“Now you tell me,” said Kenny. “Do you know how much crap I am taking from life-long friends all over the county, people are mailing back my fundraiser tickets and writing NO in big letters, they tell me that they don’t have any money left for back-stabbing, tax-hiking liberals like me after they got their tax bills, some of them had their taxes go up by a third or more and who do they blame? They don’t blame you cause you can’t run again, they don’t blame Mattingly cause he can’t run again, they don’t even blame Jackie too much cause they expected it out of him cause he’s a Democrat, but they blame me because I am a Republican and shouldn’t be voting to raise taxes.”

“Well, all you had to do to be reelected was to vote with Larry, even The Rag told you that,” said Raley.

“But I only went along with it because you Democrats said I should and I thought you knew what you were talking about,” said Kenny as he pulled an old ham sandwich out of his pocket and scarfed it down.

“Well now that it looks like you are going to get beat in the Republican primary, we Democrats have a responsibility to run a candidate who can win,” said Dandy Dan.

“How about me, I’ll just switch,” said Kenny.

“Nope, you could never win as a Democrat, you never won before and now after you turned traitor and went Republican and actually whipped an incumbent Democrat commissioner, with the help of that damn Rag, you can’t come back.”

“You mean you want that black woman with the squeaky voice,” said Kenny.

“There are more people out there to run than her and the party is seeing that left-wing loonies just won’t get elected in St. Mary’s anymore, the last one was Joe Anderson and you just aren’t very good, after all, you raised taxes and there are plenty of Democrats who aren’t too happy with you for doing that.”

“But dammit, you all told me all I had to do was point the finger at the State for raising the assessments and that the average voter was too stupid to know that the commissioners set the tax rate and therefore if we lowered the tax rate by seven cents we could have made up for the assessments and their taxes would have been the same,” said Kenny.

“Actually, it wasn’t the voters who were too stupid Kenny,” said Dan.

“I feel like I have been thrown under the bus by you Democrats,” said Kenny. “The Republicans treat me like a turncoat and now you Democrats who promised me a home to come back and just do the right thing, to raise taxes and increase spending on the feel-good junk that I would make out, now I can see you outsmarted me and leaving me holding the bag and with no job. Maybe the Republicans will let me stay if I make a motion to lower taxes retroactively.”

“But it won’t go anywhere, only Larry will vote with you and it’s too late and next year we are going to have to raises taxes again or else we will have to lay off 25 employees,” said Dan. “I just wouldn’t want to be in your shoes.”

“Holy mackerel, I have been had, who thought up this scheme?”

“Hee, hee, it was all Joe Anderson’s idea on how to get even with you and send you back to driving school buses,” said Dan. “Worked like a charm.”

Hambone the Correspondent
“Daddy, appoint me as the correspondent for the Illustrious Hambone Gazette and I will be off to Annapolis, I can get this movie script right, even though I lost by a small margin to Dyson, my opponent,” said Hambone to Daddy McKay.
“I can fullfill my manifold destiny as a journalist in the State House, since that AP guy died or retired, whatever, I can have his desk,” said Hambone. “Lookie here Daddy, I had my kid print me up a journalism degree, with this a dollar I can get press credentials from my pal Ehrlich before he leaves office and shazamm, I have a new job as the Annapolis Kid. I have always been your boy wonder, Daddy, so don’t disappoint me now, make me the Hambone Gazette Guy in Annapolis, I will be able to have some gal type up stuff and send it to you every day after I hunt down the news at cocktail parties, receptions and in lobbyists offices. I have the nose for news and the abiltiy to make up and damn stuff I need to, I will make the perfect journalist.”
“Now hold on Sonny boy, we need you back in the stores unloading trucks, stocking shelves and what not. Do you know how much your damn fool political career has cost me so far and you have nothing to show for it?” said Daddy Warbucks McKay. “What about paying some money back to me now?”
“Daddy, I can best do this by giving you plenty to print so you can sell more papers and sell more ads and so forth,” said Hambone.
“I have contacts in high places.” said Hambone.
“Your contacts are all out looking for jobs, Hambone,” said Daddy.
“But they will be there for a couple of more weeks and then I can make friends with the Democrats,” said Hambone. “I didn’t mean all those sleazy things I said about them, I was just trying to get elected. Democrats are smart wonderful people and they really are on the right track with commuter rail, I was told by Governor Ehrlich to say all that crap, I didn’t have my heart in it, he just wanted Dyson out and ever since I went to Annapolis with my interior designer to measure Dyson’s office for the curtains I would have installed if I won, which I barely lost, I was just a GOP pawn, heck, I was a Democrat all my life until I read in the Rag that someone who wanted to beat Julie Randall would only have to file to win, that was good advise, so my career was launched at lunch.”
“But what about Dyson? Can you make friends with him?”
“Sure, nobody believed a thing I said bad about the good Senator,” said Hambone. “The people all know I’m a liar and just can’t help myself. I am sorry and now ask for forgiveness.”
“God bless you boy.” said Daddy.
“God bless us everyone,” said Hambone. “Now do I get the job?”
“I’ll think about. Let me call The Rag and get their opinion.”

Good Old Boys at Work: No Broads Allowed

“Okay, you women get the coffee for us guys, we are going to talk turkey about politics,” directed Jackie Russell to the secretaries at the Guvmental Center. “We men are running things here and we sure don’t want to take a chance on having a broad as President of the United States, especially a woman who has five kids.”

“Well, I am leaving this silly meeting,” said Larry Jarboe, the only commissioner to vote against the tax hikes in St. Mary’s County. “Since I am the only commissioner who isn’t walking around with a target on his back, I don’t want to volunteer for an ass-whipping over this issue and believe me, I know women are smarter than you all, they know it and you guys are the only ones besides Sally Quinn that just don’t get it.”

“Without Jarboe in here, that damn Rag won’t know what took place in here, so good riddance,” said Commissioner Dandy Dan Raley. “I like it here, it’s the only place I can pretend like I am in charge. When I go to Ridge, my mother runs things, when I go home to Great Mills, Ann runs things, but when I come to Leonardtown, you better believe we men are in charge. People tell me all the time that they like things the way they are since we got those dumb broads off the board of commissioners, between Babs, Francie, Shelby and Julie, things were just a big henhouse in Leonardtown with government all messy, flowers sitting around and tissue containers, air spray, no cigars and no good jokes in the back room. Yessirree we have it made now and I sure don’t want to see a bad example for local government with a woman Vice President. If that Alaska Governor gets elected with McCain, pretty soon the women here are going to get uppity again and want to run government, we can’t take a chance on that, especially that Mary Washington.”

“Yessiree, I agree,” said Kenny Dement. “And that Alfredo Mathis woman, she has that squeaky voice that makes your skin crawl and she will never shut up and that damn rag wants to run me out of office so she can get in and make things really crazy.”

“Well, Kenny and Danny, Jarboe might have left, but you two really have lost your minds, the TV cameras and sound are still on and you are broadcasting your broadwords to all of the county right now and everyone can here what nincompoops you guys really are,” said Taxing Tommy Mattingly.

“Well at least I’m not sitting around waiting for Johnny Wood to have a heart attack for my life plans,” said Raley. “I am planning on a new career working as a reporter for the Rag and believe me buddy, I have been taking notes for the past ten years.”

“Oh Chreeist,” said Russell. “That’s just what we need, someone who helped bury all the bodies helping to dig them up, is nothing sacred?”

“I am working on my foundation for softball and I am going to make a killing, I don’t need this lousy commissioner job, I helped you all hire all those non-profit employees of the non-governmental groups and put them into cushy government jobs and now they are all turning on me and are signing up to work for Alfredo, that’s loyalty for you,” said Kenny.

“Well, look here Kenny, don’t tell people what we did in putting another 25 people on the payroll, its going to be hard to eliminate some folks next spring in order to balance the budget, we can’t raise taxes again or people will be coming to Leoanrdtown with hangmens nooses and torches and string us up from the trees in front of Leonard Hall,” said Mattingly. “Savage, get some men to go out there and cut those damn trees down, we don’t have to make it convenient for the mobs.”

“Will someone behind that loss prevention glass cut those God—— tv cameras off, we need privacy at these commissioner meetings,” said Jack Russell (no terrier).

Dementocrat’s Tax-Free Softball Foundation

“Well I have learned a lot about politics in the past 8 years,” said Kenny Dement as he prepared to change his registration from Republican to Dementocrat.

“What do ya mean there, dee-bye-God,” said Jackie Russell as he shucked arsters into a can.

“Well I seen what you did with your boat,” said Kenny. “You got your business declared ‘educational’, you formed a new tax free foundation, hired yourself and your wife as employees and went out looking for grant money and donations from businesses doing business with the county. If all these same people doing business with the county and you making all these good decisions for them were to put the money directly in your pocket, it would be called a bribe, even a dummy like me can figure this one out.”

“Now just hold on for a minute, Kenny, its all legit,” hollered Russell.

“I know it is, and you are making more money than ever, you charge the foundation to take care of your own boat, when you used to paint it for free except when you would hire one of the Poe boys for a case of beer to help you,” said Kenny. “Now you make a profit off of maintenance and that dinner you have your bosses over at the Lundeberg School throw for you makes a ton of money.”

“Kenny, you sound jealous, all you have to do is keep your mouth shut, go to another chicken dinner and be happy, when Raley and I wink you just have to cast your vote when we have certain developers deals in front of us and everything will fall into place,” said Jackie. “I guarantee it all!”

“I am not going to settle for old greasy chicken, I want the filet migon,” said Kenny. “I am going to form my own educational foundation for softball and I am going to raise money from those fat cats who do business with the county, I am going to sell them pricey tickets to my foundation events and we will teach kids how to play softball and it will all be tax free. I’m even going to have my house made the foundation dormitory for the top executive, me, and pay all the bills for the foundation right out of the money we raise. In the future when someone winks and needs a vote, I am going to be properly compensated.”

“When I need a new car, the foundation will buy me one and I will work on Saturdays teaching coaches how to teach softball to kids, we will meet with 30,000 kids a year on ball diamonds and believe me this is something I know how to do.”

“If you think you are such a hot shot with your skipjack foundation wait until you see how I merchandise mom, apple pie and softball,” said Kenny. “Just watch us and weep. Take a kid to a ball game and he’ll just want to spend money on hot dogs, teach a kid to play ball and you can eat the hot dogs.”

“But I thought you were upset over how many people are yelling at you whereever you go over your vote to raise taxes by $14.5 million bucks,” said Jackie.

“Heck, I don’t care any more, they can have the black woman, I am into charitable physical education,” said Kenny. “And I am my favorite charity.”

Kenny stuffed 6 hot dogs in his pocket and drove off to his launch of his softball foundation dinner at the Crystal Room.

Old pal Kenny Dement took a tumble in the CVS in Lexington Park last week and no one would answer repeated calls for help to call 911. Another customer came to his aid while the drugstore personnel did nothing and this week he was expected to undergo surgery to keep his ticker in high gear. Good luck to Kenny who is working on his next breakfast fundraiser in anticipation of running again for commissioner. But Republicans have some different ideas about Dement and are preparing for a candidate to knock him off in the GOP primary after Dement played ball with the Democrats and voted to raise taxes on real estate by more than $14 million right when homeowners have seen their property values plummet.

Will Governor Martin O’Malley really come through on his promise to bring commuter rail to Southern Maryland? Who knows. He has had two years and he continues to say that his staff has been instructed to work up a plan, but at this point, where is the plan. This is similar to Richard Nixon saying he had a secret plan to end the Viet Nam War. That plan was so secret, even Nixon didn’t know what it was and the war didn’t end until after Nixon resigned.

Lt. Gov. Anthony Brown announced that he and his wife have separated, so much for the family values on the part of the Democrats. The Republicans were always after O’Malley when he was mayor of Baltimore, claiming he was stepping out on his wife and the HBO movie “Wire” portrayed a character who was a spitting image of the ambitious O’Malley at having an affair with his press secretary.

The politicians pose their families in their campaign material and then announce that they don’t want their families involved in the press attention of their public duties. Of course, they can’t have it both ways. Old President Jimmy Carter had a brother named Billy who came out with his own brand of beer, making it clear he wanted attention to help sell his brew.

Will O’Malley dump Brown from his ticket after the divorce gets ugly? Will the GOP try to make hay off of whatever affairs have been circulating around the Lt. Governor’s activities? The State Police acted as a dating service for Governor Parris Glendening, as he sneaked around on his wife with all kinds of rendevous with his deputy chief of staff, then Glendening dumped his wife and married his staffer and then the Love Child showed up. What shenanigans are going on with this latest breakup.

When Barbara Mandel was dumped by Governor Marvin Mandel for Jeanne Dorsey, whom he married, Barbara kicked the Governor out of the Governor’s Mansion and he had to go live in the Hilton Hotel down on the waterfront. Now that we have a new scandal brewing in the state capital we shall faithfully report all we can find out and make up the rest.

The Sheriffs of St. Mary’s Meet

“Okay, this here meetin’ of the former and present Sheriffs of St. Mary’s County will come to order,” said Sheriff Wayne Pettit. “I have the honor of noting that Timmy will be here in just a few minutes and is bringing everyone new honorary Sheriffs badges and gun permits.”

“I don’t need any dad-blamed gun permit,” said Sheriff Ben Burroughs, “I can handle any burglars real good myself, I don’t need any stupid state troopers or women deputies out here telling me what to do, I can shoot good too, I get plenty of practice with Jarboe’s excess cats at the market.”

“Well, I don’t need a gun permit either, I keep one gun in my right boot when I am driving my Harley,” said Sheriff Dickie Do Voorhaar and I reckon no one will ever know I am packing a small derringer in my helmet, right next to my helmet cam. It works like this, I just wink and the camera comes on and shines out a red laser for me to aim at and then I push a button and can blow away any tough hombre that is in front of me on the highway, in case I pull into a biker bar and run into some old dude I locked up years ago.”

“Well I was the best sheriff, at least whenever my wife let me have the badge,” said Sheriff Dave Zylak. “I found that best way to get along with the public and to get more work out of my deputies was to stay in my office and play that neat golf game on my computer while my wife ran things, she did have to keep Cusic in line, he kept insisting we needed a mounted unit added to the department so he could bring his horse to work with him, I never understood why he wanted to ride a horse instead of cruising around in a big Ford Expedition.”

“I was elected to three terms, that is more than any of you all and I could still be sheriff if I didn’t listen to those Democrats who talked me into running against Roy Dyson,” said Sheriff Pettit. “Roy Dyson has left a trail of defeated politicians behind him for 34 years. Every one with a big ego and a fat wallet was left with an empty purse and their ass kicked, I ought to know, and old Hambone was just the latest to brag that he was going to Annapolis and he spent a half million bucks trying to do it, just look what he got. He would have been better off faking his resume instead of his college degree and gotten Ehrlich to give him a fancy state job, but no, he was going to whip Dyson.”

“Well I am the only true Republican here,” said Sheriff Voorhaar and on the side I can work at being a minister, I want to be one of these TV preachers, did you all see how much money they make, people just call in their credit cards. So I can pack heat as a retired cop, blow away bikers, run a TV ministry and, heck, I can even run for office again if I want to, people loved me. Maybe I should run for county commissioner.”

“I am still able to drive fast in a marked vehicle with lights and sirens,” said Sheriff Zylak, “I have lots of fun doing that 911 stuff but I just don’t understand why they named the 911 center after the attack on New York City by those Ragheads with the airplanes, does that mean that the Ragheads will attack our 911 center next? If they do, we are ready for those rug merchants, we can put on chemical suits and roll around in a big pool while we spray water over everyone, we can get naked in those tents and film all the women, who have to take off their clothes on my command, I just want to get that Mattingly kid out of my office, he knows too much and sends secret emails about what we are doing to The Rag.”

“Well, I can tell you right now that I was the best Sheriff,” said Sheriff Voorhaar, “It wasn’t you Wayne, you wouldn’t let me run things by myself, you only have me part of the department to run, you kept around Captain Chicken and the Fat Fireman Cooper and those guys were just idiots and undermined everything I did.”

“Just hold on for a Mississippi Minute,” said Sheriff Pettit. “I professionalized this department, which was just full of a bunch of clowns.”

“That isn’t true,” said Sheriff Joe Lee Somerville. “We had our problems but we provided good services to the public, treated people right, went after drug dealers and kept the peace. What more could you ask for?”

“A lot more,” said Zylak. “I didn’t appreciate much your son running against me, that’s what made me lose.”

“You lost to me because you didn’t keep the faith with the public, you failed to go after the drug dealers and you never fired anyone over the Loot Scandal,” said Sheriff Tim Cameron, who walked in the door. “It should be no mystery to you that the public expected to have a Sheriff who people respected.”

“Why does The Rag write all those glowing articles about you,” said Sheriff Voorhaar to Sheriff Cameron.

“It might have something to do with the fact that our officers do a good job, respect the law and serve the public,” said Sheriff Cameron. “We answer the questions of the press and admit it when we are wrong.”

“Did you leave anything out,” asked Sheriff Pettit.

“Yeah, I forgot to mention that we don’t clean out the newsstands of all the papers the way you did, Voorhaar,” said Sheriff Cameron. “My wife doesn’t call and make murder threats the way yours did, Voorhaar, my captain doesn’t steal from the agency the way you allowed without anyone getting arrested or fired, Zylak, and instead of playing golf, I work on ways to reduce crime and prevent the public from being victims to criminals.”

“But I had good banquets,” said Sheriff Pettit.

“The State Police told me that you all have to get permits from them to carry guns and that means all of you, except Zylak, have to pass eye exams. Zylak, you have to get a note from your wife,” said Sheriff Cameron.

Democrats Will Win Big This Fall

 

“This here meeting of the Democratic Party must come to order,” said Central Committee Chairman Kathy O’Brien. “We have to get all of our favorite issues out on the table and make sure the voters understand where we stand.”

“Okay with me, Buckwheat,” said Gypsy Joe Anderson, central committee member and former county commissioner. “I am a hip guy and I can adapt to any set of liberal circumstances. I wore this black stuff on my face to this meeting tonight to show that I can be a black candidate for commissioner instead of that chunky woman who ran last time. It takes a man to win, just look at Hillary, she was beaten by a guy as us guys are tried, true, tested and have extra body parts that the women don’t have.”

“I am really embarrassed that you would look the way you do tonight, Joe, you don’t have to be black to win an election,” said Julie Randall. “You make all Democrats really seem kind of insane.”

“I’s got this stuff down right, I can rap, I can rip, I can wiggle and I even got my pickup truck lowered and had the black tint put on the windows,” said Joe. “I am ready to run for commissioner again and I will be in the running to be picked by President Obama to be an ambassador to Cuba, as who has more experience hanging around with communists? I am the right person for the job of any color, I am even willing to get a sex change if I have to.”

“Okay, this meeting must come to order,” said Kathy. “We have to show that we can raise taxes in the face of adversity, those stupid Republicans are all about lowering taxes and letting people control their own property. We know from experience not to trust those fools in the general public making decisions with their own money and their own land, they are all skulking around with bibles and guns and hell, they are just dangerous.”

“How about letting Kenny Dement come back to being a Democrat?” asked Kathy.

“I say let him sit over there and rot as a Republican,” said Anderson. “He came into the 2002 election and stole my cushy job away from me, he swamped me by lying to people and saying he would ‘listen’ to them. I ran on raising taxes and I was the one who was always making deals with developers, now he whips me, he raises taxes, he makes deals with the developers and he is the one doing favors for people and getting Fritz to drop charges and fix tickets and he is the one who gets those nice little party favors and under the table gratuities, this should all be MINE, DO YOU HEAR ME…MINE!”

“Calm down, Joe, you can win again but you’ll have to wipe that black stuff off your face, as I don’t think the voters are ready for a cross-dressed, cross racial communist who wants to raise their taxes and strip away all private property along the shore lines of the St. Mary’s River,” said Kathy. “But I could be wrong.”

“Let Kenny Dement stay as a Republican, Hambone is going to run again and they make a good team,” said Anderson. “I don’t see how I have to sit on the sidelines while all the special deals go to someone else. Let Hambone print up some college degrees for Dement and give him a cap and gown and let him graduate. Hambone will run against Jackie Russell and Russell did the same thing. All the deals to developers that Hambone made, Russell kept. How do you like that for a lying sneaking liberal Democrat?”

“Thank God for Danny Raley and Tommy Mattingly,” said Julie. “We depended on them to raise taxes during these hard economic times and they did and since the public loves tax hikes, we will have a clean sweep at all levels in November. You can get ready right now to to visit President Obama and his new vice-president Hillary….now just one good shove down the steps of Air Force One and Hillary will be president. And since Bill will take over her U. S. Senate seat, he can be appointed by her to Vice President and then one more good shove and we can have Bill Clinton back as President.”

Leonardtown Power Play

The recent little political power play by the liberal Democrat crowd in Leonardtown was just a preview of what they have in store for the next county elections. The far-left crowd recently manipulated the creation of a new Human Services Department and during a time of fiscal crisis added a half dozen new county employees and consolidated a hold over the hiring processes of county government. Note that the Good Old Boy crowd is and has always been in lockstep with the liberals, they trade favors, waivers and jobs, most of the time to the detriment of the public.

This next election is going to be tough for the Democrats locally as the independents tend to vote Republican on the local level and the Republicans vote Republican along with most of the conservative Democrats, who vote Republican.

After the tax hikes of this year, $14.5 million in new property taxes due to the alliance between the O’Malley tax assessors and the Democrat majority on the Board, The Shadow will now predict that we have seen the end of Democrat county commissioners. The waste, fraud and abuse of the Democrats with their Bubba Government is outrageous. Democrats will continue to hold down courthouse jobs to the extent that they are already in office and will also continue to hold legislative posts.

One legislator who is in the hot seat is Johnny Wood, who will likely have an active Democratic Primary opponent, perhaps as many as three and then the General Election will likely see a Republican taking him on. Johnny hasn’t bee raising the money he used to when he had clout in Annapolis, something he doesn’t have any more. But Taxing Tommy Mattingly and the Benevolent Dictator John K. Parlett will have a tough time running against Deadwood, finding that the Geezer of the Gulch just may have one more election left in his bones and an appetite to win. If the three are in the Democratic Primary, a bloody battle will ensue and Wood will come out on top. But will Wood win in November? Only The Shadow knows for sure. Republican Shane Mattingly may make another swing at this job, and like Francie Eagan, the third time might be the charm.

Are Blacks Entitled to Have a Black President?

By Kenneth C. Rossignol

ST. MARY’S TODAY

This year marks the third time there has been a serious contender for President of the United States that is a black American.  The late Congresswoman Shirley Chisholm was the first, the next was black activist Jesse Jackson and this year the third is within closing distance on locking up the Democratic Party nomination for President.

Because Sen. Barak Obama is a serious contender does that entitle blacks to have him as President and does it make those who vote against him racists? 

In the minds of many misguided and uneducated blacks the answer to this question is a resounding yes.

Blacks in America have been used to a special set of rules that applies to them, against them and for them.  These rules are mostly unfair and since unfair rules have been applied to blacks for decades and even centuries, somehow opportunist blacks who are indeed lazy and don’t want to earn their way in this world think that to even the score of massive injustice that all they have to do is be loud, obnoxious and persistent and the white world will hand them everything they want, just by throwing a tantrum.  They think so because it usually works. But that day is about to end.

The truth of the matter is that whites are barely a majority any more, since an influx of Latinos have snuck over the border, under the border or around the border and started having children at rates that exceed the number of black men who have headed into prison as they sought to take what it is that they don’t wish to work hard to earn, use drugs as a crutch or act as greedy street corner crack dealers.  

What the loudmouth blacks who would rather bloviate than work don’t realize is that there is a large contingent of whites who have learned from their black brothers and are duplicating their misadventures with about the same results, filling up subsidized housing projects, committing crimes and going to jail. 

While an impressive black middle class has emerged in this land led by hard-working God-fearing two-parent families who fill the temples and churches on Sundays in areas such as Prince George’s County, the bi-racial surge of low-achieving, chronic substance abusing lazaholics have spread out on the bottom layers of American society, unwilling to work, unwilling to achieve, unwilling to learn but mastering all of the finer elements of thug fashion, electronic wonderland and music.

The Rooster Society of both white and black races have evolved as they were put on the dole by liberal Democrat philosophies that it is better for a man to get a welfare check than it is to work for a living.

The women who act as breeders for these Roosters also learned that they can control the money by making sure the Rooster is out of the henhouse when the paymaster comes by to check on how many eggs have been hatched.

The more little chicks, the more feed for the Rooster.

Therefore, the money provided to the U.S. Treasury feed store by those who do work for a living gets put in the feed bins for the hens, the chicks and even the Roosters.
The blacks who want the white man to pay for everything for them will soon be presenting that argument to those of Asian and Latino descent, both of which are hard-working groups of people and not likely to think that now they have to bear the white man’s burden.

When you’ve been working for 25 years at two jobs and taking night classes in order to get ahead, buy your own business and raise your family, it’s going to be a tough sell to the Asians and Latinos, that now they have to take over running the feed store so the black and white roosters and hens can live off of those who earn.  Don’t even try to convince the hard-nosed black middle class they have to dig in their pockets to pay for the black and white breeders and roosters.

Obama has been handed everything to him on a platter by a guilt-ridden white society, his campaign is propped up by limousine liberal whites who likely rarely practice the principles of fair play and equal opportunity and simply embrace the theory. 

Obama’s campaign has been aided by the foul play of the politically correct Clinton machine, who now is drowning in their self-serving legacy of cheap tricks and politically correct manipulations which marked their actions in the 1990’s.  In short, they are getting what they deserve but don’t count them out.  They are tough, smart and resourceful and until they open her sleeping place and drive a silver stake through her heart, it is likely she will win the nomination before it’s all over.

But this is the first time that many blacks are paying attention to the election process and some think that this is “their turn” and if denied the presidency, they have been cheated one more time.

What these very foolish people don’t realize is that every time they espouse this view they lose votes for Obama. 

It must be pretty frustrating for the Obama campaign to have to deal with the many sloppy word choices of the candidate, his wife, his pastor and his campaign operatives, nearly matching the twisted verbal choices of the Clintons. 

The truth of the matter is that most voters are willing to vote for a black American to be president. But the views, opinions and likely actions are the chief factors that voters will consider.   Since Obama’s propensities are to raise taxes, play bridge with crazed dictators and ask his crazy pastor for advise on what to do about all the blacks who got AIDS from the government; his views are now becoming known to what had been an electorate very willing to hire him for the job.  But the interview is now revealing more about him than can stand a good, hard look.

While black voters appear ready to vote for this man even if he is revealed to have been with O. J. Simpson when the football player killed his wife and her white boyfriend, helped blow up the World Trade Center or is part of the Bin Laden glee club, other voters are not likely to drink the grape Kool-Aid. 

Does this make black voters wrong?  No, this is America and they can use any reason they want in deciding who to vote for, silly or high-minded, any reason is valid.  After all, we saw all the stupid Florida voters who thought later that they may not have voted for who they intended to vote for in 2000.

That is why when 90 percent of black voters show that they believe that the color of a man’s skin is more important than what is inside him when hiring for a job shows that they are simply practicing what has been perpetrated upon them for a long time.  Not right? No, but understandable.

The only way Obama will become president is if he can convince the voters that even though he stands with fruitcakes, he doesn’t really like them or partakes of the not-too tasty dessert. 

As long as Obama continues to reveal himself to have the views of an elitist, a Marxist and a religious opportunist, he will leak votes on a daily basis, until the last votes are counted at either the Democratic convention or the general election and find that when all is said and done he gets to keep the day job as a member of the U. S. Senate.

America will likely one day elect a black and a woman as President but it won’t be Obama or Clinton.  It will most likely be Condi Rice and when the time nears, the radical blacks, the mouthy and “the entitled” will forget about their disdain for her brains and her conservative views and once again will embrace her skin color.  But Rice will have earned the support of others for what she thinks, not because of her race.

Suspense Slithers to Bitter End; Bill to Gut Glut of Slots Sluts Slogs Through

ANNAPOLIS — When it came down to the last minute of this year’s session of the Maryland General Assembly it wasn’t the Fat Lady who sang but it was the Cash Cow, Del. Johnny Wood, who tried one last time to help out all of they mystery money of the unregulated and corruptible slot machine interests, but he failed. The House passed the Senate version of the dump out the illegal slots bill in the last 30 minutes of the session, according to Del. John L. Bohanan (D. Lexington Park).

An amendment by Del. Johnny Wood (D. Mechanicsville) was offered at about 11 pm Monday to make legal all the machines which were in place Feb. 28th, would have made legal statewide. Like most of Delegate Wood’s bills, a veteran delegate from St. Mary’s County who was demoted from being a committee chairman by current Speaker Michael Busch, the Wood, anything goes slot machine amendment failed on a 74-49 vote. A last minute amendment on Monday to make slots legal at any commercial bingo establishment, which essentially would have done the same thing as Wood’s amendment, passed but was then defeated in the last minutes of the session. Wood and other sleazy advocates for the illegal slot machine operatives in the House then began a strategy of talking to death every bill as it came up, effectively avoiding a filibuster but still slowing everything down to a snails pace.

The real deal now appears to be that ADF Bingo won’t have slot machines, that the corner casinos are out of business and will now have to go back to running businesses which serve their customers well without having a slot machine parlor. Charitable groups will be able to have the devices as long as all proceeds go to the charity and not to others.Millions were made by slots mafia

While local yokels involved with various charities such as the Leonardtown Volunteer Fire Department, Little Flower School and the Mechanicsville Lions Club, groups which were suddenly laden with big bucks, enough to turn them into prostitutes for an illegal group of casino owners, all of which have vanished as fast as they appeared; the big money was unaccounted for and wound up being split up by characters as diverse as out of state slot machine kings, local saloon keepers and a guy who runs a business which makes claims that it saved three local schools from closing but the reality is, he and the bars which had them machines in place, were the ones making all the money.

The single most disappointing revelations about this sleazy drama was seeing really fine folks in this county empty their heads of all brains, put aside their scruples and ignore the reality that these slot machine kings were ripping everyone off, giving a minor tip to the charities and keeping millions for themselves. The gambling addicted were leaving behind their paychecks, the cheapskate parents who didn’t want to pay realistic tuition at Little Flower and the lazy firemen who, unlike the generations who have gone before them, won’t put out the work at the Leonardtown Carnival, were happy to take blood money to buy new fire trucks. What the hell is going on to have these fine people prostitute themselves to crooks and Mafioso’s, the way they did? Shame on Leonardtown’s fire department and rescue squad to hoodwink the people of Virginia into playing the machines at Coles Point Tavern. Shame on the Mechanicsville Lions who got $3600 while the slots kings split more than twenty thousand from the “Lions machines”.

There have been at least four generations of heroes who have jumped from the beds and left their jobs to rush to the aid of others at Leonardtown VFD and the rescue squad over the years. What turned them into such whores now? They get a fire tax, they have the genuine respect and admiration of the community but they signed up on the side of crooks? The people of this county have supported their carnival over the years and many people who were too old or infirm to be firefighters worked at the carnival. True, the bloodsucker developers put in a huge injection of slum housing which provided a fresh round of hooliganism at the carnival, but the cops are paid to keep order and the fire department should have demanded they do their job.

All of the fraternal and civic groups are going downhill due to the selfish slobs of the younger generation who won’t volunteer and work the way their parents and grandparents did. Too bad, but having unregulated slots which produces money for paying off politicians isn’t the way to go.

Who the hell are the creeps from the Alternatives for Youth who showed up in Annapolis to say that poor little kids won’t get mental health services if this crooked business didn’t continue. It is quite likely that the overpaid staff of these blood-sucking and bloated “non-profits” saw a way to make more money. Who the hell was giving all of this counseling before the slot machines arrived last fall? Just more crap from the touchy-feely do-gooders who pad their own pockets at the expense of everyone else.

This wasn’t St. Mary’s County’s finest hour.

It is one thing to have legalized slot machines run by the State of Maryland, keeping all of the profits after payouts to players and putting the money into the General Fund or for education, where the usual subjects will steal the money by rigged bids and over-priced contracts, but to let this blatant corruption take place with real live church people waddling sideways as they attempted to keep their hand in the same till with crooks is beyond belief.

A Bionic Heart for Johnny Wood?

The end is near for this year’s session of the General Assembly and for yet one more year, Del. Johnny Wood is still fuming over being sacked as a committee chairman, where he used to do a lot of good for the county. But Johnny is still active enough to maintain his political support and two of the plotters for his job are Taxing Tommy Mattingly and the guy who wants to be the Benevolent Dictator for the county, John K. Parlett. With possible replacements like these guys, the voters ought to chip in for a bionic heart for Johnny Wood, with him not being a real tiger its better than having one of these guys as delegate. Others loom on the horizon, as many friends of Helen Dorsey urge her to run, as she has plenty of appeal and no baggage like the other three. Its only two years away and Wood is drying out, Mattingly is cooking his goose by doing his part to make sure taxes go up even more and Parletts attempt to once more put that lame charter government on the county, with himself taking the Throne of Government, makes it a wide open race.

The Republicans are sure signing up plenty of voters but they lack leadership. But Tom Haynie, the GOP chairman needs help. Republicans new to the county will find that there is a group of liberal Republicans like old Babs Thompson, who are really liberal Democrats. There are some Republicans who are so far to the right that the world they live is indeed flat. The Democrats are sinking fast and due to some of them being simply effluent, find that their natural composition makes it impossible for them to sink, instead they float.

Just 30 years ago, the Democrats outnumbered the Republicans by 4 to 1. Then Steny Hoyer did such a good job of moving military missions to area bases and the civilian and contractor work force turned out be mainly Republicans, as well as the folks fleeing the DC area, all change to the GOP.

Now we have about 20,000 of each party and about 8,000 independents. The independents could be Democrats but know better and still don’t sign up as Republicans. But they tend to vote Republican.

The best thing going for the local GOP is St. Mary’s Sheriff Tim Cameron and Commissioner Larry Jarboe. These two bright officials do a good job and are responsive to the people. They both have a good future with the voters.

The courthouse officials are also well established due to their performance. Register of Wills Diane McWilliams has filled in well and is now in her second term. Joannie Williams was well versed in the Clerk of the Court job serving under Evelyn Arnold and has a firm grip on her post. The Orphans Court Judges are solid with long-standing Judge Russ Cullins being put out to pasture last time, and not likely to try another time.

The states attorney would have been ditched in the last election but he was smart enough to figure out that the only pool of replacements came from the local bar, so he spent all his time intimidating them into not running. It worked, but next time will be different. John Mattingly is about as bright as they come, he is Fayreen’s grandson and would return the post to a level which was held by Walter B. Dorsey. Fritz has all his family income, his retirement and could return to representing drug dealers. If John A. Mattingly files, watch for Fritz to announce he will step down. He can’t take losing another election after the shellacking he took from the woman he bragged he would easily beat. Even Fritz’s own Republicans voted against him. Fritz, a clever attorney and yet polarizing figure, is one of the most difficult officials to understand. Blind ambition must be the only way to understand how such a promising lawyer became the chief shepherd to a rag tag army of good old boys stuck in a time warp of the seventies. Fritz must lead the way to shield them from being accountable for their speeding tickets, boozing, drugging and other petty crimes or he isn’t happy. An examination of the use of the prosecutorial discretion would yield a field day of high drama and backroom fixes. Fritz inherited a pretty good staff from Dorsey and was smart enough to keep people around to do the work for him, but they must have a hard time keeping a straight face with some of the people he likely orders to them to cut loose and to drop charges.

In any event, Fritz’s day has come and gone and its doubtful anyone really wants to see him charging out with his buddy Lyle Long, who he gave a job to after Long’s retirement as a cop, gave Long a big raise and even pays for his laundry bill for cleaning his expensive trenchcoat, if history is relevant. The boys can have fun for a while, maybe Fritz can clean his shotgun and the two can relive the annals of yesteryear, they could ride out to a local crackhouse and roust Knoxie, count the cash in his pockets and send him off to the big house once more, of course, with the media there to take pictures as the pair works the public one more time with the War on Drugs. There is no way we should legalize drugs, but can’t we manage to win a war once in awhile?

The drug-free zone signs near our schools were a joke the day they went up. Only in the past year does it appear that meaningful drug investigations are yielding real results. But then again, maybe its because Fritz and Long aren’t along for the ride.

Well, we shall find out what Wendell got in the next week, but its clear that no one who took the Loot from the Sheriff’s secure storage went to jail. No cop was charged, no one paid a fine, only the dumb black guys are going to jail, on drug charges, which the deserve. But what about the cops who stole a tractor-trailer load of loot? At least Voorhaar slinked away in disgrace while Capt. Crook stewed in a cash-lined pot while Sheriff Dave Zylak pondered what a real sheriff would do….and then did nothing.

Where’s the Loot? It was found but a taint will be on the local cops for a long time to come. Fritz was part of the cover up and failed to bring charges, his election campaign treasurer was the wife of the guy who took the loot. Gee, what do you call that?

Huck Chucks Mitt; Thompson and McCain lag in GOP Iowa Vote


Hillary, dillary dock; the mouse ran down the clock, the voters struck one and Hillary was done…Hillary, dillary dock…

a virtually unknown black guy with a year’s experience in the US Senate, came out of nowhere and POW, Batman, hit Clinton in the kisser….more than 2/3rds of Democrats in Iowa said NO to Hillary Rodham Clinton.  Barrack Obama might get his name put into spell checks all over America…Mike Huckabee cleaned the clocks of all the GOP candidates and put himself forward as the fresh new candidate, outside of Washington and able to hold the White House for the GOP.  Former Governor of Arkansas Mike Huckabee came from nowhere just a month ago and is well on his way to being president, much like the little known Governor of Georgia, Jimmy Carter, or the little known Governor of Arkansas, Bill Clinton, who both also came from nowhere to knock off Presidents Gerald Ford and for Clinton,  George Herbert Walker Bush, who had a 91 percent approval rating in June of 1991, in the November of 1992 general election.  Huckabee has a genuine article feel to him and has a down to earth oratory reminiscent of Ronald Reagan while Obama tries to do the JFK type of inspirational and visionary speech, drawing praise for his election night effort thanking his supporters.
Hill and Bill? or Obama, yo Momma!    

Hillary’s only hope to win is to name Bill Clinton as her vice-presidential choice, that would put him just a heart beat away from being president again…should Hillary make this choice, Clinton would become the first ex-president to win another office other than another term as president.  Grover Cleveland’s two terms were not consecutive and FDR was elected to four terms.  It was President John Quincey Adams who won a seat in the U. S. House of Representatives from Massachusetts after he was president.   Hillary even lost among younger women while Iowa, which is 95 percent white, showed that Democrats in that state would easily choose to vote for a black man. Obama will now try to convince blacks, who didn’t think he could win white votes, to drop Hillary and join him, in such states as South Carolina, which have a big percentage of the total Democrat vote, already committed to Hillary.

Sen. Joe Biden and Sen. Chris Dodd have dropped out after winning less votes than Harold Stassen, the late three-term Governor of Minnesota who ran for the GOP presidential nomination every year from 1948 to 1992.   Sen. John Edwards came in second, but who cares? The real story is that Hillary was trounced so badly just as the coronation was set to begin.  The Clintons should have switched us over to a constitutional monarchy when they had the chance. 

Iowa as a predictor of the final result?  Of the last four Presidents, three of them did not win the Iowa caucus vote.

the Maryland primary election is Tuesday, Feb. 12th…

Congressman Steny Hoyer is opposed in the Democratic primary by James Cusic.  If any Democrats or Republicans are worried about winning this state’s presidential primary, it’s sure hard to tell….Del. Anthony O’Donnell is helping Sen. Fred Thompson run his stealth campaign by making sure there is no visible indication that the candidate is even alive.
Watch for Obama supporters to bring on a big effort in Maryland, not just in the PG county and Baltimore City black-majority election districts but all over the state.  As Maryland politicians are noted for being quick to switch allegiance, lots of officials will soon dump Hillary and find a ticket to get on the back of the Obama bus.  Will the powerful O’Malley Administration stick with Hillary, whom Martin O’Malley committed to months ago, or will they drop her like a hot potato as O’Malley primps for a possible pick as Vice President. That move would make Lt. Gov. Anthony Brown the first black Governor of Maryland and only the third black governor in the nation, with the first, being former Governor Doug Wilder of Virginia, and the second taking place last year in Massachusetts, Governor Deval Patrick.
Will the Democratic ticket be Obama and O’Malley?  Why not have two inexperienced and ambitious men who have yet to be tested as the nation heads into more rough international waters filled with terrorists and world competitors intent on defeating the worlds only superpower.  The strongest GOP ticket?  Huckabee and Sen. Susan Collins of Maine.   Or, Huckabee could team up with Romney, the way Reagan did with Bush.

Who is responsible for the insane real estate property assessments?  Are these silly doubling of property taxes the work of the Ehrlich Administration stooges left behind in the county assessment offices, party hacks like Sean Powell, the lackey of Hambone McKay who is the assessment officer in St. Mary’s.  The O’Malley Administration is proving to be as inept as the Glendening Administration was in its first two years. But then, Glendening never dared raise taxes the way O’Malley has done.  Combined with the record tax hikes in the special session of the General Assembly last fall and the new property tax assessments, watch for Democrats to be tossed out in ways never imagined.  Ronald Reagan won Maryland in 1984, the state elected Republicans to local offices in a big way in 1994 and Republican Bobby Ehrlich won the Governor’s post in 2002.  There is an equal registration for GOP and Democrats in St. Mary’s and from this vantage point, times will be changing….
 

(12/09/07) “Now, Larry, my wife had some real good advise on how to deal with those pesky citizens like Clare who always pop off about county policies,” said Jack No Terrier Russell. “She had those nosey busy-bodies wanting to know things about the finances of my boat-lab and what we were doing with the money. Can you imagine someone wanting to know what we were doing with the money, for God’s sake! Its a boat, spelled B-O-A-T, that’s Break Out Another Thousand, a Boat, a hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one throws money. Hells bells, just going down the road in my stinky car bellowing out grease balls out the back end makes me smell like a sub shop when I get to a meeting. There is no smell like French fries. When I stop to pick up a case of beer for the boys at the dock, they all smell me coming before I come around the bend.”

“So what was the big advise from Vicki,” asked Larry. “I have to get back to the mill, I have a hydrogen bomb cooking and if I don’t hurry up and get back there might be a mushroom cloud rising over Charlotte Hall.”

“Really, a bomb, what does one cost, I have a couple of things I’d like to blow up,” said Dandy Dan Raley.

“That was a joke, Dan. Its not really a bomb, but it is hydrogen and I am working to put it in my car to save on gas, I’ll get 100 mph to the gallon after I get through cooking up my engine in my truck,” said Commissioner Moonbeam.

“We could use a hydrogen bomb for that blasted boathouse,” said Kenny. “We could sell tickets and have a fundraiser for my next campaign. How long does the mushroom cloud hang around?”

“We can’t joke about things like that, this room might be bugged and the Rag will put it all in the paper and that screaming ninny Maggie will be calling the ATF, the FBI, the SEC, the FCC and the Women’s Temperance Union to come to the Walled City of Leonardtown and find us, cut off our heads and put them on pikes and parade around Leonard Hall,” said Taxing Tommy Mattingly.

“Yeah, no joking about anything, no remarks about burning anything down, having anyone whacked or other inappropriate behavior, except some pinpoint flatulating at public events,” said Jackie. “That is one advantage of my car, people are so used to the way I smell I don’t have to blame anything on the dog, I can blame it on the car.”

“Can we have a commissioner’s fact finding trip to Alba, Italy and to Gambia to see the new St. Mary’s College campus that they built in those countries,” asked Tommy. “I can go, I like to travel, I am good at it, I collect all the receipts for reimbursement and I find ways to really pad the bills, it makes for a little extra change to be able to afford this public life.”

“Careful, Tommy, I swear this place is bugged,” mumbled an unidentified commissioner. “In the old days you could make an extra $50,000 a year just taking envelopes with cash in it in return for good decisions. Now there are too many people watching and asking questions, ethics disclosures and paper trails….they take all the fun out being in office.”

“I can’t stay in here if you all are going to talk like that,” said Commissioner Moonbeam. “I know this place is bugged, hell’s bells, almost everyone of our secret meetings ends up in Cheap Shots and I can tell you who blabs, its’ Danny, its Kenny, its me, even Tommy talks, the only one who doesn’t is Jackie and that’s because his wife won’t let him, she does all the talking.”

“Well, is it true that there are big wine cellars, a 5 star hotel and special massage rooms at that Eye-Talion campus of the college?” asked Danny. “I could use a little trip to Italy, on business of course, and leave Ann home.”

“How about Gambia, are they using waterboarding for political enemies like I read about in the Washington Post,” asked Kenny. “Its a lot like that country over there in GitmoCuba, what a shame they are doing that to those poor Ragheads. Maybe we should go there and rescue them before they put them down the well again, hell that’s what we did when we were kids, we just used to lower the girls down the bucket and then tied off the rope and left them there for a few hours until they got friendly again.”

“Was that waterboarding, Kenny?” asked Moonbeam.

“Sure, what’s wrong with it, it changed their behavior quick.”

“Well, Kenny, we can’t go rescue those Ragheads at Gitmo, as we are the ones who are doing it,” said Tommy.

“Well, it that case, stuff some more Ragheads down a well, its high time that stopped acting so damn weird,” said Kenny.

“Wouldn’t that be called waterbucketing,” asked Dandy Dan.

“Now you know why we shouldn’t have these secret meetings,” said Jackie. “We just get in even more trouble, my wife is going to go ballistic when she reads the Rag.”

(9/27/07) “How come we don’t have any action in the Park,” said Dandy Dan Raley at the weekly secret backroom meeting of the St. Mary’s Commissioners.  “People are beginning to talk and you know what that means.”“Yeah, we get to appoint 15 people to a task force and send them out to lunch a bunch of times and this time I want to be invited and I’m bringing my doggie bag,” said Commissioner Dement.“I’m talking about Robin and why we don’t have anything going in Lexington Park,” said Dan. “We have more street lights burned out than ever, there are no decorations up along the roads at Christmas, our grand government scheme has systematically eliminated virtually all low income housing in Lexington Park and we are doing nothing but shoving the poor people around into a revolving door from one place to another and that damn Rag is starting to nail us for being so stupid, and lots of people agree.”  “Don’t worry about a thing, Capt. Dan,” said Jack Russell (No Terrier).  “My wife is in my office at this very moment sending me text messages of what to say, just like she does at all the commissioner’s meeting, having these dang Blackberries is a lot better than trying to write all this Governmint stuff on my hand, I tried once and my notes ran right up my arm, across my chest and down to my other elbow.  It looked like I was scratching myself every time I wanted to check my notes.”“Danny, we have Leonardtown making us look sick,” said Tommy Mattingly.  “In Leonardtown they have new businesses going up left and right, a new town hall, a huge new bank, another shopping center and Best Western, a new town waterfront development, new restaurants opening every month, more private investment than you can shake a stick at and what do we have in Lexington Park where we commissioners allowed Hambone to talk us into “urban renewal”. We don’t have a daggone thing in the Lexington Park development district.  Putting the new library across from the worst slum in town was really dumb, we have the crazy bums sleeping in the woods next to the library and having the firehouse next door is no help, heck Bay District is lucky to have some of the old guys around to run fires, they aren’t much to make the library safer.”“I thought Robin Finnacom was the guru of modern government marvels,” said Commissioner Moonbeam Jarboe. “She was going to wrap up a developer into a model of public private partnership and twelve other buzz phrases of techno-speak eco-develop lingo.”“Say what,” said Kenny.“He said she was supposed to be a miracle worker,” said Dandy Dan,” but the only miracles she has performed is moving tax money into her paycheck.”“How come Leonardtown has a 3-story motel with retail on the first floor replacing the old crack house motel and we can’t do anything but tear things down in Lexington Park?” said Mattingly.  “We tore down the old Lexington Park hotel and the whole block of retail stores.  We tore down a couple hundred cheap rent homes, we closed the library and rented out the fine brick building for a buck a year.  We didn’t even put it out on bid but the people of this county are so dumb no one ever held us to task for breaking the law.”“Hey, be careful, that could still happen, but I had nothing to do with that, you boys pulled that one without me onboard,” said Jack Russell (No Terrier). “It was Hambone’s fault, it was all his idea,” said Mattingly.“I see no reason to mince words here, after all this is a secret meeting and no one will find out what we are talking about back here in this secret meeting, “ said Dandy Dan. “As long as Larry keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t tell the Rag, we can talk about anything back here, after all, this is litigation, we can be sued for anything we say or do, so what’s wrong with talking about anything?”“Dan, you know better than that and besides, I don’t have to tell the Rag nothing, they have this place bugged and have had it bugged for years, this whole meeting is likely going to be in the paper so I need to think up something bright to say so I look good,” said Larry.“Well no one expects anything bright from me,” said Kenny, “I am no rocket scientist, I just told people to vote for me and I would listen to them, I never claimed I would understand anything. That works for me, I vote right a few times and there is no way I would ever vote for another tax hike after that damn 911 tax, but I listen to a few smart people and I vote right and people like me.  It helped to run against a stone communist and a woman with a squeaky voice.”“Do you think we can hire those Leonardtown people to come down and show the Lexington Park crew how to rebuild an old worn out commercial area?” asked Dan.“Why not just drop our option and let the owner sell to someone who knows what they are doing, like Rachelle Millison,” said Mattingly. “We have played developer and we have one side of town that has renovated buildings, retail space that stays full, nicely kept landscaped properties, new office buildings and attractive sidewalks and lighting.  Where we built the new street lights, they don’t work, we put in a new sidewalk in front of Lindas and no one from the county bothered to put in any trash containers, the weeds are back to growing through the cracks in the sidewalks and the word I have is that its going to be another two years for anything to be done.  The firehouse area looks like hell and we have bums bothering people at the Methodist Church. Its so bad even the soup kitchen moved.”“How long did it take to build the Pentagon, the world’s largest building,” asked Kenny.“Just two years, but don’t bring that up now, Kenny, it just makes what we have done look that much more stupid,” cautioned Commissioner Moonbeam.“I’ve got it, lets turn the whole block into a ball field, I could have teams playing there every day, it would bring a crowd,” said Kenny.  “We could let Robin sell hot dogs to the crowd to make money.”“Hey, we deserve some credit for Lexington Park, we have the Toyota dealer abandoning Great Mills Road to move up to Rt. 235, that’s good, isn’t it,” said Kenny.  “NO, it just gives us another empty building along Great Mills Road,” said Danny.  “How much have we spent on options and this Lexington Park Development Corp.?”“Shhhh.” Said Mattingly, “I’ll write it down, Larry is right, the Rag has this room bugged but I don’t think there is a camera in here.” (12/02/07)  Wow. It’s hard to believe but the politicos are already out there assembling the wagons for the 2010 elections. Patty Robrecht is being mentioned as the Democratic Party standard bearer, at least for some Democrats, to replace Tommy Mattingly who will go on to Annapolis as delegate.Johnny Wood, seeing that he will be beat in the primary will likely just switch to the GOP, which is about where his politics really lay. Then, Wood just might stay in the House of Delegates. But Patty will see 5 or 6 Democrats vying for the commissioner post serving Leonardtown and Hollywood. And in 1994 a GOP candidate mopped the floor with Democrat Joe Anderson, beating him by 3,000 votes. The GOP can still romp over any Democrat in this district, and in 2002, Joe Gass was beat by McKay, who only a Republican for about six months, formed a secret alliance with Democrats to beat out Vernon Gray and Gass. Republicans with a long memory paid McKay back big time last year, but old Hambone just couldn’t figure it out. That was just part of that story.Danny Morris is considering running for county commissioner in that Hollywood / Leonardtown district and he is a hard worker, a good campaigner and by switching to Republican, he will be dragging along plenty of conservative Democrats who likely spend a lot of time voting Republican anyway. The liberal Democrats spend a lot of time driving the conservative Democrats out the party and then they just shake their heads wondering what happened every time the GOP wins an election.The Democrats wouldn’t listen to advise that Zylak was not going to win reelection but the trouble with party people is that they put party ahead of logic, sensible decisions and good government. But both parties do it and so they are evenly stupid.Both parties underestimate the ability of the citizen to make good choices, to know when an elected official is competent and when they are not. Look at Kenny Dement. A folksy old guy who just happens to have uncommonly good sense, not too much ability to express himself and enough sense to keep his mouth shut. He votes right. That’s why he will be elected again.But Jackie Russell. Watch him as he votes on the Piney Point project where his vote is so important to the Baltimore developers who bought the property from the Seafarers union, Russell’s employer. Jackie is promised on this vote, but the more people understand his conflict, the harder it will be for him to vote. Jackie is going to have to make a full disclosure of who bought tickets to his Chesapeake Bay Lab fundraiser. The wheels and deals were all there and Jackie gets a paycheck from that non-profit boat. More potential for conflict. But nowhere is there more conflict than at Metcom. Who can figure why the residential rate payers are being squeezed for paying for upgrades to water storage and distribution for the big developers. Because they will get away with it.