Today’s edition of Let’s Make a Deal POWER ROUND staring Maryland State Prosecutor Charlton Howard is brought to you by the Maryland Association of Builders, Public Employee Unions, Big Tech, Gaming and Casino Operators, Cannabis Industry & Assorted Special Interests who work around the clock to feather their own nests, bribe public officials and endeavor to subvert honest operations of government at all levels.
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LET’S MAKE A DEAL – POWER ROUND
HOWARD: Welcome to the Power Round of Let’s Make a Deal, I am Maryland State Prosecutor Charlton Howard, AND WE NOW HAVE A NEW ROUND of some of the most interesting characters in the Maryland Culture of Corruption, where Corruption is an art form practiced to the point of perfection by a wide variety of ethnic, racial, and economically disadvantaged and one-percenters who have excelled in their chosen field of endeavor to far greater achievements than any other group of crooks, con-men, miscreants, floozies, madams, pickpockets, public officials, and felonious politicians in America.
SENATOR BONE-HEAD BEN CARDIN – Just a minute here, I want to know why I haven’t been picked to be a contestant; I was the Maryland Speaker of the House during a record-setting level of public chicanery with the Savings and Loan debacle where millions of dollars were lost.
HOWARD: My staff told me you were dead. Sorry, we will have to consult Google to find out if you are really alive or if they just have a stuffed dummy propped up in your office in the Senate Office Building named in honor of the Segregationist Anti-Civil Rights Senator from Georgia, Richard Russell – one of your fellow Democrats.
DIPAULA: This isn’t fair; I quit my high-ranking post in the Hogan Administration as Chief of the University of Maryland Medical Systems as soon as Larry saw my real endeavors at Flywheel and figured out he would be hurt in his bid for the White House. I live in Florida now and ain’t going to ever return to Maryland, that cesspool of leftist hegemony. Is this about my paycheck still coming to me for four months after I resigned? I’m not responsible for the inefficient Treasury of Maryland paying Ghost Employees. Heck, Dan White and his lunkhead brother Mike have been paying Ghost Employees at Compass Marketing for years, and nobody cared as long as the income taxes were paid for the Ghosts.
JOHNSON: It is just like everything else in this state, I want to know how come I didn’t rate getting a chance at this Power Round? Blacks are left out all the time and black politicians have been learning to steal, commit fraud, bribe, be bribed, and otherwise dally with the public treasury just as well as the Polish, Eyetalians, Jews, Irish, Germans, and Russians. I have been out of the federal slammer since 2017 and do you think I get invited to the fat cat parties in the penthouses at National Harbor or to the shindigs Obama throws at his Hampton Palace? Hell no, he is a piker and when I was PG County Executive, and two terms as PG States Attorney, they all used to come around, that Biden was the biggest mooch of them all. Glendening, O’Malley, and all of the crooked white boys used to come to my fundraisers, drink my hooch and try to make it with the brown ladies. They used to say they wanted some brown sugar. So my beef, is how come only the White Boys have been starring in this Trade Secrets Theft Saga and LETS MAKE A DEAL. Hell’s Bells, you bozos at the Office of the State Prosecutor should know by now that nobody is as good at stealing from the public as a Black politician in Prince Georges County. But no, you are only worried about the WHITES – what are the names of those two twits? Dan and Mike. Sounds like they make fruitcakes. Did they steal millions of dollars like I did? I had my wife stuff cash in her bra when the FBI were crashing in the front door. Can Dan White and his nitwit brother top that one? And what was that stuff I read about him stashing his extra wife in the house next door to him? Was that just a publicity stunt? Heck, I had girlfriends in each Council District in PG County and that’s not counting my secretary. AND NONE OF THEM WERE WHITES. Was that where I went wrong, if I wanted to be noticed by the State Prosecutor, I needed to be a WHITE?
DIPAULA: Jack, you always were a big showoff and a drama queen; this isn’t about your sex life or your inferiority complex about being short. This is about being accomplished in international and complex piracy of data and trade secrets, and you are just a small-time crook. You didn’t even get a noticeable sentence in the slammer – FIVE YEARS! What the hell is that? Nothing. You are a piker; a short guy and I wouldn’t even want to date you.
DAN WHITE: Look here, Charlton, who are these has-beens you have allowed in this POWER ROUND? I have the best stuff, look at all the evidence I gave you on Fritz’s corruption over the years, I saved it up, got it documented, kept copies, got tapes, DNA, everything about what Fritz has cooked up and committed for the past twenty years. I am ten times smarter than Fritz and he just gave me free reign as long as I went after The Rag, crucified John Mattingly and conspired with Alioto to send Mattingly over the edge with all those indictments.
MIKE WHITE: Nuts, my stuff is better because I have all the goods on my brother Dan and all the fraud he has committed, and I know where he is hiding $50 million we stole from my brother John.
JULIE WHITE: Well, I can take off this rubber mask now, I’ve had it on for years and I am really sick of posing as an attractive woman in my late thirties. I am proud of being cojoined twins and this awful mask has made it appear that I have only one head when actually I am two people with two personalities. Now I can be free and, as a federal prosecutor, it is only fair that I get two paychecks, just like when I was a Ghost Employee for Compass Marketing and an Assistant States Attorney for Ricky Fritz. Give me two paychecks.
HOWARD: I have bad news for you Dan, you’re going to prison, your stuff on Fritz doesn’t mean anything now, because Jaymi Sterling blew him up, crushed him, whammed him into another dimension with her election blow-out. All of your cunning deceit to throw Fritz under the bus won’t work now. I just don’t need it. Get Dan White outta here. Judge Mike White, I don’t need your stuff either as the Judicial Disabilities Commission is going to charge you with a long list of Chinese Laundry violations that will go from here to Peking. You two Whites are just chumps. Chipperoo, you are now in first place. Do you have anything on anyone important?
DIPAULA: Charlton, do you mind if I call you ‘Chuck’?
HOWARD: Don’t call me ‘Chuck’. I don’t know you.
DIPAULA: I have loads of evidence on Ascential and that guy Painter. He disrespected me and my lifestyle, which I don’t cotton to. How about insider trading, stock fraud and fooling around with audits, does that cook your goose?
HOWARD: Give my investigators your briefcase, your laptop and your cloud credentials and we’ll put you in protective custody for a while to keep you safe. Frye, put him in the Epstein Suite, it’s the best available.