BEAUTY IS WITHIN THE REACH OF THESE ALLEGED MISCREANTS
CALIFORNIA, MD. – Where do less than beautiful women go to make themselves more beautiful? They could go to a party store and buy a face mask of Lady Gaga or, in the case of two women that St. Mary’s Sheriff Tim Cameron says are suspects in stolen beauty from a purveyor of the promise of ever-lasting beauty – they can just steal luxurious cosmetics to enhance their unfortunate ugly appearance.
Yes! Ultra Beauty can fix their drooping chins, reduce the size of their large and rambling noses, hide their blemishes, warts and ignominious features chiseled into their faces that may have been produced by Father Time coupling with Mother Nature as both overdosed on Meth and crack.
The puffy cheeks that would make a Gopher swoon – just one of the many characteristics that made them both look like they just crawled out of a sinkhole on Rt. 235. Yes!
With the miracles contained in the jars of fantasy cream, these two women can be transformed from nightmares of a drunken frog into the Princesses to which they have always aspired! JUST ONE KISS from the containers of beauty will fix their lives forever and for such a prize they risk spending at least six months in the Hotel St. Mary’s.
ALLEGEDLY STOLE MEN’S STUFF TOO.
ARE THEY TRANSITIONING OVER TO BE MEN?
The Sheriff says they loaded up on men’s cologne as well as women’s perfume to change the aroma of romantic interludes from the down and dirty fumes and stink of a sweat lodge filled with wild boars in a Tennessee mountaintop lair to the wafting pleasant airs of a stage filled with young and svelte models at a Paris fashion show or a debutante ball at Buckingham Palace.
The High Sheriff says the two above described woman vamoosed without forking over any wampum for the goods at Ultra Beauty and are now wanted.
Anyone with information about the identity of the suspect or this incident is asked to call Deputy Artina Manns at 301-475-4200, ext. *8107 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.