3 AM in the WHITE HOUSE: Depends & Dementia

3 am at WH: Dr. Jill: “Hunter, what are you doing hanging around in the Oval Office at three in the morning?” HUNTER: “Go back to bed, Mom; I’ve been working all night trying to fix things in Ukraine and with my pals in Gaza. Dad’s really effing up the world while I’ve been busy in court.” Dr. Jill: “The staff is going to be ticked off if they come in here in the morning and you’re still using the phones all night and pretending your father is in the room next to you.” HUNTER: “Hey, Mom, this is a family business, and I have to make sure the money keeps rolling in; the party is going to dump Dad in June; you know it, and I know it. We have to grab all we can get while the iron is hot.”

3 am at WH: “How long has he been out cold?” Dr. Jill: “Since 8 pm when he had his hot chocolate.” “Will he have to get up to go to the bathroom?” Dr. Jill: “heck no, he wears Depends.” “Ok, we have to keep a lid on his condition, the DOJ Hur report has set us back. Barrack wants you to go on the offense, stand by your man, condemn the DOJ report, and take Joe and go back to the beach and stay there in St. Croix.” RING “This is Dr. Jill, Kamala; no, he’s not dead yet, you cackling witch; stop calling here.”

3 am at WH: “Hello, this is Joe,” “Look, Dad, they are watching me too close, I can’t get your cut to you the usual way at the beach in the sand dunes.” “Why not, it has worked great, people just thought I was being a good citizen and picking up trash on the beach?” “Not anymore, I’ll have to stick your bag of cash in the Vette.” “Don’t miss this month, I’m counting on the money, Hunter.”

3 am at WH: “Zelensky old boy, where can I get some of them randy green pajamas you wear to all these events, kinda like Fidel used to wear? I’m tired of these blue suits and want to look young and fit instead of stuffy.” “Joe, I’ll send my tailor over, Hunter and I use the same guy, he’s out on a yacht with Barrack right now in the Med but he can be reached anytime with the Starlink.”

3 am at WH– “Dr. Jill?” “Whadya want, we’re trying to sleep.” “The White House Physician wants to come up and check on POTUS.” “Forget it, I’m the only Doctor my husband needs.” “But, Mrs. Biden, the doctor wants to check his vitals after the falls this week and perhaps check him into Walter Reed for observation.” “Get lost and stop calling me in the middle of the night unless I, er, my husband needs to make an important decision.”

3 am at WHRing: “Heeelooo, this is Brandon” “Your name is not Brandon, gimme the damn phone, Joe.” “This is your brother-in-law, Jill. We just got the package from Dublin from AF One, I’ll send over your cut tomorrow.” “Fine, Jim, and be sure that Crackson Hunter doesn’t get his hands on it.”

3 am at WH-Ring: “Gen. Milley here, Mr. President. Xi has Taiwan surrounded and will likely force them to surrender by noon; what should we do?” “The same thing we did in Kabul, of which I am proud. Gas up my plane I want to ride in the victory parade with my friend Xi., they are really good guys.”

3 am at WH-Ring: “Hey Pedo Pete, I wanna make some real money, I’m tired of pimping for you.” “Yes, crackson, you are the smartest man I know.” “Save that crap for Chuck Todd, I want you to set me up with Soros money in a place they can’t extradite me from, cause your sorry ass is gonna get beat next year and when Trump is back in the White House, he’ll be coming for me.” “I’ll have the CIA arrange something, now it’s time for my Rolling Stone ice cream.”

3 am at WHRing: “We just got back from Rolling Stone, this better be good.” “Gimme the damn phone Joe, and it was Rolling Fork, you nitwit.” Dr. Jill: “Who’s calling?” “Hunter here, I won in the Arkansas court for money for my kid, whatever her name is. Navy, Army, I just need Pedo Pete to give me $50 grand to get that money grubber stripper off my back.” “Call Uncle Jim, we have too many eyes on our accounts now.”

3 am at WH-Ring: “This is Brandon.” “Your name isn’t Brandon, now gimme the damn phone Joe.” “Whadya want?” “Dr. Biden, this is Merrick.” “Who?” “Attorney General Merrick Garland.” “Ok” “We have to arrest Hunter for consorting with spies.” “I thought I told you to can all that crap.” “We don’t have any control, it’s the Special Counsel”.

3 am at WH-Ring “No, Kamala, he’s not dead yet and I told you to keep your skanky butt off of this phone, I’m gonna make sure he stays alive, just like Edith Wilson did for Woodrow, so get off the damn phone, I have another call.” “Jill, was that for me?” “Joe, get off the extension, I have to talk to Zelensky.”

3 am at WH- Ring “Hellllooo, is this Kamallaaa?” “I told you not to answer the damn phone, Joe, you are supposed to be in Kyiv, we have your double there with that grifter Zelensky.” “Whadya want, Kamala is that you? No, he’s not dead yet, it’s that idiot Jimmy Carter in hospice, now quit calling here.”  

3 am at WH-Ring “Helllooo, this is Brandon.” “Gimme the damn phone. Joe” “Who the hell is this?” “White House Counsel Office, Dr. Jill, I need to tell you that the FBI is in the beach house.” “Who cares, Hunter sold all the good stuff to Xi, now let me get some sleep.”

3 am at WH-Ring “Hey Big Guy, I gave the wrong laundry to China, I need to stop by the garage and swap out a box of papers, they said instead of secrets, it was the Vette warranty papers.” “Hunter, Joe is in dreamland. I told you to never call here again. I mean it, you crack-head, don’t bother your dad.”

3 am at WH-RING “This is Brandon” “Gimme the damn phone Joe, Hunter I told you we are not going to keep Navy for you this weekend, your father thinks she is a voter who needs to be treated affectionately. Take care of your own damn kid.”

3 am at WH-RING “Hey Pedo Pete, I wanna borrow the Vette, got a date with Fang Fang”  Dr. Jill:“Gimme the damn phone Joe, Hunter, we can’t find the keys to the Vette, where did you put them?, some damn fed named Hur wants the car”

3 am at WH- RING “Hellllooo, this is Brandon, is this Kamalllaa?” “Gimme the phone Joe, your name is NOT Brandon.” “Jill, Hunter here, I want to borrow AFOne for a trip to Asia for about a week.” “No, and do not call here again, I won’t give up this gig as FLOTUS because of you, CrackSon.”

3 am at WH- RING “Big Guy, I gotta call from XI, he wants me to come over for a big Christmas, can you watch my kid, its my turn to have the baby.” “Gimme the phone, Joe. Hunter, you offered crack to Macron’s wife at the state dinner; and called him Macaroon.”

3 am at WH- RING “Hey, Man, who’s calling?” “Your pal Zelensky in Kiev.” “Hunter tells me you got the cash okay, when do we get our cut?” “Tell Hunter our courier will meet him at the usual place in Paris.” “Joe, gimme the damn phone – Zel, quit calling here, I mean it.”

3 am at WH – RING “Hunter, I told you Jill is ticked off about all your crooked stuff and it might cost her being First Lady. Me, I’m sure you’ll gonna be ok, but Mayor Pete is after my job. Hunter? Is that you? Kamala? NO, DAMMIT, I’m not dead yet. Quit calling here.” “Gimme the phone Joe.” “You skank, Kamala, quit calling!”

3 am at WH – RING “Helllooo, this is Joe’s Place.” “Gimme the damn phone, Joe.” “This better not be Kamala again, ‘cause I guess you got your answer, he’s not dead yet.” “Jill, this is Pete.” “Who?” “Secretary of Trans.” “We have a cabinet job for transvestites?”  “Transportation.” “I can’t keep track of all the weirdos. Whadda ya want? IIt’s3 am.”

3 am at WH – RING “Hello, er, pardon…” “Hey, Pedo Pete, there comin’ to get me and I want a pardon just like you gave Choc & Chip” “I can’t do that, you’re my son.” “Big Guy, I have all Trump needs to nail your butt to the front door of the White House.” “Here, talk to Jill.”

3 am at WH – RING “Joe, this is John Kerry” “Who, I love your quips on TV Sen. Kennedy.” “No, Joe, remember we served in the Senate together before I ran for President. KERRY.” “You got in that catsup money, right, good move. Hunts?” “No, Heinz.” “Oh, I remember him too. Where is he now?”

3 am at WH – RING – “This is Mr. President…” “Gimme the phone, Joe, go back to sleep.” What was the big deal today, I uh thought there was gonna be a party!” “Hunter, your daughter got married today on the South Lawn, you fool, where were you?” “Did you get any photos? I hadda date at the Four Seasons, hot stuff, let me talk to Pedo Pete”

3 am at WH – RING “Trump is back on Twitter” “who? Thump? I want Rocky Road and one scoop of Manilla.” “Gimmie the phone and go back to sleep.” “This is Dr. Jill; what the hell are you talking about?” “Musk put Trump back on Twitter.” “There goes the neighborhood.”

3 am at WH – RING: “Hullow, um…who is this? Are you Hunter or Jill?” “Sir, CBS just quit Twitter due to Musk preparing to allow Trump back.” “Gimme the phone Joe.” “Jill, what is CBS? Is that where we watch I Love Lucy and Danny Thomas? I really love those shows, especially when Lucy is in the shower…” “Who cares? We haven’t watched CBS since Rather was fired.”

3 am at WH – RING POTUS: “I pushed the red button, just like Zelensky told me I should on CNN.” FLOTUS: “Gimme the damn phone, Joe; he pushed the button for the butler to bring him ice cream.” MILLEY: “Okay, I’ll call my counterpart in Moscow.”

3 am in WH: RING “Is this the Ruskie with the great biceps?” “This is Gen. Miley for the FLOTUS” “Jill, it’s for you.” “Now what?” “XI just landed troops on Taiwan.” “What day will the parade be? We want to be there to congratulate XI on his new territory.” “I’ll find out.”

3 am in WH: RING “This is the, uh, pres…uh, Jill, who am I again?” “Gimme the phone; what is it?” “This is Gen. Miley” “Are they out of money already?” “Zelensky is crying he will go on CNN.” “Okay, wire him $10 million.” “It’s not enough.” “Call SBF in the Bahamas.”

3 am at the WH: RING “Whadda mean there are 50 busloads of illegal aliens from the southern border sent by Abbott to circle the White House?” “They all want to see the President.” “Joe is asleep. Give ’em phones and book hotel rooms for them.” “We already did, but they won’t leave.”

3 am in the WH: RING “Who is it, Jill?” “Go back to sleep, Joe. Look, Hunter, I told you ya can’t be put back in his will, and I told DOJ to skin your hide if you cook up a deal with the Saudis. You need to go back on crack and stop calling here.”

3 am in the WH: RING “I’ve got it, Joe.” “Tell Poland I don’t give a damn; we’re invested in Ukraine, and we can’t have Putin shutting down shipping again.” “Was that Gen. Austin again? I think he really likes me, Jill.” “No, it was Hillary, what a witch. She thinks she’s boss.”

3 am in the WH: RING “Who is it dear?” “Go back to sleep Joe; I need to up your meds.” “Kamala, no, he’s not dead yet, and even if he were, I would just pump him with Botox and keep on running things just like Edith Wilson did. Now stop calling every night.”

3 am in the WH: RING “Who is it dear?” “Go back to sleep Joe; I’ve got it handled.” “Not again tonight, Meghan; just think what I have to go through with this royal pain in the a** family. I have to get some sleep.”

3 am in the WH: RING “Who” is it, Dr. Jill?” “Go back to sleep, Joe; I’ll take care of it.” “Yes, Hunter, your Dad told XI to up your fee since he’s giving up Taiwan, I gotta go, Putin’s calling me again. Bye.”

  • Bull Shark from Potomac in 2010 Buzzs Marina

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